Mother -in-Law visiting from India!!!!!
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Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 31-07-06 18:12:32
Quote:
Originally posted by lana2005
My advice to those DILs whose MILs are coming for a short visit.
Find out in your office if you can work overtime. If you can, offer to work overtime. If not look for another part-time job. Go home just to eat food already cooked by MIL. Bear the mess till they are here. Once they return back to India, hire a Molly Maid and get the kitchen throughly cleaned.
LOL....
but seriously - is that fair to either side? If its your home, then why do you have to be the fugitive? Also - I keep thinking its got to be Karma - one day you'll be visiting your children - in law ..and who knows how it'll feel then !
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~ Morning rain
Location: Beautiful BritishColumbia
Posted on: 31-07-06 20:27:01
Where are the MILs?
This all MIL bashing is unfair.
Let us hear both sides of the story: MILs and DILs.
"BAHU BHI KABHI SAAS BANEGI"
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"After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb." (Nelson Mandela)
Well I am a DIL but as mentioned earlier I think the same way as morning rain said.
Before marriage I was bought up in nuclear family and so I always desired to be married such that to be able to live in joint family but that did not happen as I am in canada. But now as my in laws are visiting us, I get that feeling of joint family. And it has its + and - but its not bad either. And of course that depends on you and ur in laws.
They are v co operative. My MIL does all the cooking, and most of house hold work. I am on mat leave and home whole day. Fil is also v helpful.
And even if sthg upsets me, I think that my son is 9 months old and only in 9 months I am so attached to him as a mother, similarly imagine how much feeling my mil must be having for her son whos 30 + ??? So that justifies their "over" concern for him.
But if in laws r not co op I can also imagine the terror !!!
Quote:
Originally posted by morning_rain
Quote:
Originally posted by lana2005
My advice to those DILs whose MILs are coming for a short visit.
Find out in your office if you can work overtime. If you can, offer to work overtime. If not look for another part-time job. Go home just to eat food already cooked by MIL. Bear the mess till they are here. Once they return back to India, hire a Molly Maid and get the kitchen throughly cleaned.
LOL....
but seriously - is that fair to either side? If its your home, then why do you have to be the fugitive? Also - I keep thinking its got to be Karma - one day you'll be visiting your children - in law ..and who knows how it'll feel then !
I am going to ask a simialr question to the question Dr. Phil asks, Do you want to be fair or happy? If you are out of the house, there is no time to argue or even keep thinking about what she said, what she meant etc etc. I have done my best to make my MIL happy but have come to conclusion that it is not you or her but the nature of relationship is such that you can never make MIL happy. Even when you do things in the best interest, she questions to find out why did you do such good things for her, what is your ulterior motive. So I have given up.
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 01-08-06 14:52:44
Quote:
Originally posted by lana2005
I am going to ask a simialr question to the question Dr. Phil asks, Do you want to be fair or happy? If you are out of the house, there is no time to argue or even keep thinking about what she said, what she meant etc etc. I have done my best to make my MIL happy but have come to conclusion that it is not you or her but the nature of relationship is such that you can never make MIL happy. Even when you do things in the best interest, she questions to find out why did you do such good things for her, what is your ulterior motive. So I have given up.
I agree with you - it is upto one's own moral compass/perceptions etc. I agree with a lot of what you have written because I struggle with all these myself. Often it is the living arrangements. Have you heard the expression "Good fences make good neighbors". There have to be boundaries around your family - then there is the extended family.
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~ Morning rain
Actually I feel, one of the biggest cause of MIL bugging DIL more is no Satellite dish signal for last 2 months approximately. I have Satellite dish which had 13 indian channels, with ZEE/SONY so that in the evenings she was busy watching those RONA/DHONA serials until 11.00pm. And now all of a sudden it is gone.
so not much left to do for her!!!
Does anyone has a clue, when it is coming back, I hv cardless receiver.
hi everyone! agreeing to most replies here....however not all MILs are the same. i can truly and honestly say the my MIL is the the perfect mother. We have to understand their perspective and generation from which they were brought up in. Society has really geared us toward the negative aspect of MILs and since negative overtakes positive...negative wins...AND i am not saying all u ppl are wrong....u could have the worst of the worst.
and yes like someone has already pointed out...have ur husband help u no matter what ur MIL say.....once he's married he's urs not ur MILs anymore.....
hopefully i have not created a combat zone yet!
take care guys and best of luck
