Location: God's own country
Posted on: 13-08-15 07:08:28
Not sure if CD is mature enough to handle this but here goes (Moderators are free to delete this/ lock this, if postings go overboard)
Yesterday, a friend of mine called me from Cambridge and asked me to help him find a bride for his son from Tamil Nadu (Incidentally he is from Chinna salem in TN). His son came to Canada when he was 10 years old (in 2003) and is now 22. He told me that his son was loving some white Canadian and that he did not like it. I asked him, why not. If he loves the Girl and being in Canada, why donot you accept the proposal. This is the reply that I got :
1. Cultures will not match. Though Canadians (white) are quite truthful, their situations are sometimes very complicated. For example, as Desi's we are carefree but these white Canaidans, fret about small things like, he did not respect me at a get together, my mother in law is not talking to me etc.. He cites Toronto Star Ellie messages as his source.
2. Though marriage (desi) is two bodies become 1 after marriage, for white Canadians, marriage is almost like 2 corporations coming together to save money by living under a single roof. The bonding will not be there. Expenses are equally divided. The lady will look after her side of the family and the Gents is expected to look at his side of the family.
Do CD's agree with me on this? What are your observations?
Murali
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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
I was watching this movie last night (starring Katherine Hepburn)
'Guess who's coming for dinner tonight '
A similar issue beautifully put out ... albeit a marriage b/w a black man and a white woman..
Cross cultural marriages can be difficult no doubt .... but that does not mean all cannot be successful .... Not only the values but eating / dressing habits could be varied .... plus the different societies ... hard to say what will happen but I would side with the father in this case ....
Funny thing I recall here ... When I watched Mughal e Azam in my teens , I found Saleem' point of view to be correct .
When I watched it 25 years later , I found Akbar's point of view to be more correct ...
Nothing changed in the movie ... I just evolved in my perspective.. 
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Fido.
Success of marriage depends on the individuals and nothing more. All obstacles like culture and family interference can be overcome if the 2 individuals involved are willing to work towards it. Nothing comes with a fixed expiry date - it lasts as long as you want it to last provided you work towards it.
There are millions of examples of divorces and bad marriages within same culture as well as between different cultural backgrounds. Similarly, there are a million other successful ones on either side.
The generation today has a totally different set of values compared to past. For them working towards and making a marriage last is NOT a priority - they would rather split and move on. The older generation will see that as a problem, the younger generation don't. It is the people who wish to marry who need to decide and all others should be there just as a support system, if needed.
Many of us need to go back to school and learn the difference between culture, social practice and religious practice. Very often we use them interchangeably as per our own convenience.
If someone is not in a position to provide guidance they should simply refuse to intervene.
Good luck to the kids.
Just my 2 cents:
Hiren
Why am I reminded of '2 States' here ??
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Fido.
As an example to cross cultural marriages , I had like to think some Hindu Muslim marriage .... Different religions , societies ... the marriage is most likely to be more difficult than a same religion marriage ....
Individual differences or similarities make or break any relationship work ... but cross culture differences can just add as a constant component of differences to any relationship ...
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Fido.
Duplicate postings ... We were missing you HW36 but can do with single postings 
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Fido.
Quote:
Originally posted by hchheda
Many of us need to go back to school and learn the difference between culture, social practice and religious practice. Very often we use them interchangeably as per our own convenience.
Hiren
You are right - These terms are used generically interchangeable as they bottom line to differences based on some social factor which could be religious , caste , geographical or cultural .... as long as the differences are there , the related issues persist .
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Fido.
