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Orginally posted by IceCream

4 years separation does not change your attitudes towards your spouse when you are married for 15 etc. years. This is the time to support your husband and adjust to the new surroundings. The institution of marriage is not just one sided and we know that both the husband and wife need to have a strong sense of trust within them and believe that they can overcome a separation (if and when required) very successfully.

I know many families here in the ME itself where the wife has to return back to her country once the children complete their HSC studies. Its only in Dubai they have colleges where they can continue education, but in other parts of ME we do not have colleges and you will see the wife returning back to the home country for three to four years if they don’t want to keep their kids alone. One parent has to sacrifice and return, what will you call this kind of separation?

Also several families have long distance marriages as husband is working abroad and wife remains back serving the husbands parents / house etc. What will you call this marriage?

We know that a family also needs to be together but sometimes the circumstances do not allow it. You can call it trust in marriage and whatever you wish to call it. But I know that I have the strength to stand by my husband when the situation and circumstances call for it. By the way have you heard of the saying ‘distances make the hearts grow fonder’ (and re-ignite a sense of romance).
Go for it erra.

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Chandresh

Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!

Hi

I donot want to discount what MI and Chandresh has written, what they are saying is correct in one way. There are many things money can buy but somethings it can't.

However in life I guess at times we have to make a choice what we want, and what we can have. This place is Tough for money and cost of living is high, if you don't have money coming in... then it doesn' take time to wonder how far can I go like this, Am I going to slip from comfort level to poverty level..!!! I feel without a proper job even 600k to 700k is not enough with the current interst environment and with the depriciating usd. I have known few families from gulf packed up and gone back. Even those who are here constantly keep talking gulf is better. However I am not one of them as my funda is little different... still I miss the money.

I guess u got the answer by now about the condo that you intend to buy. I feel for 300k you can get a house too but for you condo would be better. See what type of school you want and then work backwards. Missisuaga, Brampton are the areas Indian community is in, there may be more but i am not aware of it. Most of the places are safe I guess.


Consider other factors like your age, motivation etc. and decide goodluck.



Hi Northyork Desi

Can you please explain what is this "Live in caregiver"?.. How muchtime it takes to process, and can we bring anyone?"

I need the info so as to have a baby sitter for my 1 year old.

Thanks

Erra,

I don't think your wife will have any problem in getting things done here in Canada. If you are going to be supporting your family financially, then not much of problem.

As pointed by Jayaram, please find out the tax implication as you might be required to pay income tax in Canada on foreign income. In that case, it might be better for your family to come here & you can come later if immigration rules permit principal applicant to come in afterwards.

Also, as quoted by you in your post,
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Peacock 1:
Adjusting to high school is not easy. Actually, academically, Indian children would be able to cope; the difficult part is the cultural change and the approach to studies. The son of one of our friends managed to get into Grade 12 after doing Grade 11 in India, but that one year was really a traumatic change for him and eventually he had to settle for Humanities/Arts at University even though he was quite a brilliant Science student in India. I feel it may be a good thing for children to do at least 2 years in high school before going to University, so that they get sufficient time to digest the culture and the approach effectively during these impressionable years.
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Your daughter is in 9th grade & not much difference in age from the example mentioned above. That is why I feel that your kids can come in for post-graduate education to US/Canada.

Also, as mentioned by Val, do not expect to make big money here & know your priorities. That can make you happy.

Regarding posts of Icecream, yours, it reminds me of myself when I was in India & used to access Canadian Desi. I was very optimistic & positive & used to discuss with other friends about the positives of Canada. After about 6 months of life in Canada, my optimism & positive attitude definitely took a beating.

In India, I used to send my daughter for all activities & here today I am thinking of whether I can afford to send my daughter to Clay Club by paying an extra $55 when she is so enthusiastic about it. Ofcourse, your situation might be different & I hope it will be better for you. Best of luck.

Thanks & regards.

Rajan.

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Let's make India a better place !

I agree I have not lived in Canada but, I thought you’ll were discussing separation from spouse and the case of survival which I have already experienced and gave my personal views.

Ok lets talk of Canada life in reality, I agree to all the points pointed out by Northyorkdesi. Lets ask erra, can your wife deal with an emergency situation where she falls sick or has an accident what contingency plan is available to take care of the children, are they prepared for such situations, if the kids have some problems in the school can she deal with it alone, the list goes on and on……. (oh I forgot the main one is she scared of cockroaches, rats and lizards (are there any in Canada) if she comes across one who will kill it. I am not trying to be funny nor am I chasing a Canadian dream. I want to go to Canada for my children’s education too and their future. I love Mumbai, I have been to Singapore, Paris, London, Brussels, Antwerp, Dubai, Saudi, Qatar, but believe me there is no place like home. But sometimes you have to flow with what life has for you and make the necessary adjustments.

(i am no more icecream)

NYD, Jayaram, Chandresh, Val, rajand, Rahat M

Thanks for your replies.



NYD,

My wife is reasonably good in English. She may improve it there quickly. I have couple of known persons in Toronto but I am not sure how much help I can get from them. I do not consider their help for my planning. Bringing someone from India for assistance increases the responsibility of my wife and financial burden on me. Based on what I have been listening from you about Canadian life, I am optimistic about my wife handling the situation in Canada. But what happens when she falls sick? Good point by you NYD. I may have to look for a full time maid for short time till her recovery even if it costs very high or I have to come there on emergency leave. Information about the school is of great help to me. I can start planning for settlement. I already considered getting my family back to M.E. during winter and Summer school breaks. Video conferencing is good information from you.



Jayaram,

I believe many Canadians come to M.E. to work mainly to get rid of paying Income tax. If this is the case, many M.E. immigrants would have opted to stay back in Canada instead of working here. I shall do more research about tax and come back to you. This is a good reminder from you and serves as an important input for my decision.



Chandresh,

I respect your views. You described the delicate issues of family separation in a very decent way with good practical examples. What I have been talking about is balance we have to strike between savings and family life. I do not have big hope to save money in Canada. My best efforts in Canada will be to earn money just to cover my living expenses so that I need not spend from my M.E. savings. I have opportunity to save money for next 3 or 4 years by continuing working in M.E. I want to utilize that opportunity while not compromising with my daughter's studies. That is why this discussion started.

Regarding my present mind set: After staying outside India for more than a decade, I have confidence of facing any situation in Canada. I shall not regret to go back to India in case I think Canada is not suitable for me after living there say for one year. As some fellow Desis said it costs me about C$30000 per year to stay in Toronto. Even if I live in India I have to spend half of that amount, considering schooling is not free in India. I shall consider I spent IRs.5 lakhs for one year long vacation in Toronto and for gaining so called Canadian experience.



Val,

Thanks for sharing your views and for the information about the places to settle



rajand,

I did not understand your suggestion properly. You suggested sending my children to Canada for Post graduation studies. Could you elaborate?

I do not have big dreams about my future in Canada. I do not think I get disappointed, if things do not work in my favor.


Rahat M,

Thanks for your advice.


erra

Erra,

What I meant was children are more mature to understand the cultural differences & mainly the differences between good & bad around the age of 21-22 when they would have completed their graduation. When they would do their Masters or post-graduate degree in US/Canada, they would not face culture shock as much as some kids tend to do as per the example which was quoted in one of the posts.

So many people go from India & other countries for studies to US, etc. after getting their basic degree & they do well, don't they? This way they can get their US/Canadian degree & subsequently settle down in a good job which they can get easily if they have studied here.

I know your wanting to move to Canada would be because of the fact that there would not be good colleges in Gulf for basic degree.

Thanks & regards.

Rajan.

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Let's make India a better place !

Erra,

1. If your wife falls sick, your kids can take care. I am sure once they come here, your daughter can help out with some household work. There are some agencies who provide maids but their rates are also around $10 per hour. I don't think you would have much problem in the health part.

2. Regarding the point raised by Rahat, there are small insects & mosquitoes in Canada. Rats too in certain parts. I heard there are cockroaches too although I have not seen them. Yes, you have diseases too due to mosquito & rat bites. You also have floods here in Canada, in June there was heavy rain here in Calgary due to which many basements got flooded & some areas had to be vacated.

3. Be prepared to work in any job here like call-centre, customer service, retail sales, etc.
If you can mentally adjust yourself to doing these jobs which are much better than some of the other jobs, then you can be happy.

Thanks.

Rajan.

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Let's make India a better place !