I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply. The service representative was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.

Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.

Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT file that will take care of this.

Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem.

Customer: I know that there is something I can put in... some command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.

[After a few minutes of going round and round]

Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as COSNOSMOKE and reboot your computer.

[Customer does this]

Customer: It is still smoking.

Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.

[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy. But NO; he calls back four hours later!]

Service Rep: Hello, Sir, how is your computer?

Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost.

Salary Theorem

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know,the more you make.

Some stupid answers to stupid questions

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.


6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask....
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.


7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-
No.. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair....
Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-
No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-
No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-
Gosh, it's a miracle ........it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

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i..........rock........!!!!!

Wives of This World

>1) In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then
> God
> >created man
> >and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither
> God nor
> >man has
> >rested.
> >--------------------------------------------------------
> >2) If your dog is barking at the back door and your
> wife is
> >yelling at
> >the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of
> course...at
> >least he'll
> >shut up after you let him in!
> >---------------------------------------------------------
> >3) A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
> departed
> >mother
> >and started back toward his car when his attention was
> diverted
> >to another
> >man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying
> with
> >profound
> >intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to
> die? Why did
> >you have to
> >die?"
> >The
> >first man approached him and said, "Sir, I
> don't wish to
> >interfere with
> >your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is
> more than
> >I've
> >ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A
> child? A
> >parent?" The
> >mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
> "My
> >wife's
> >first husband."
> >------------------------------------------------------------
> >4) Married life is very frustrating. in the first year
> of
> >marriage, the
> >Hubby speaks and the wife listens. In the second year,
> the woman
> >speaks
> >and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak
> and the
> >neighbours
> >listen.
> >-----------------------------------------------------------
> >5) A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
> leaned over,
> >made a
> >wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a
> wish, too.
> >But she
> >leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
> The
> >husband was
> >stunned
> >for a while but then smiled "It really
> works!"
> >-----------------------------------------------------------
> >6) A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
> not to
> >report
> >it because the thief was spending less than his wife
> did.
> >-------------------------------------------------------------
> >7) First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an
> angel!" Second Guy:
> >"You're
> >lucky,
> >mine's still alive."
> >--------------------------------------------------------------
> >8) A couple was having a discussion about family
> finances.
> >Finally the
> >husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money,
> the house wouldn't
> >be
> >here!"
> >The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for
> your money, I
> >wouldn't be
> >here."
> >--------------------------------------------------------------
> >9) Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he
> loves. After
> >marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
> >-------------------------------------------------------
> >10) A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how
> much does it cost
> >to get
> >married?" And the father replied, "I
> don't know, son, I'm still
> >paying
> >for it."
> >---------------------------------------------------------------
> >11) There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
> her so
> >much
> >that he would go thru hell for her. They got married -
> and now he
> >is going
> >thru
> >hell.
> >---------------------------------------------------------------
> >12) A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds :
> "Wife wanted".
> >Next
> >day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the
> same thing:
> >"You can
> >have
> >mine."
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------------
> >13) When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
> you can be
> >sure
> >of one thing: either the car or the wife is new
> >---------------------------------------------------------------
> >14) A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
> letter
> >said, "If you don't promise to send us
> Rs.10,00,000, we promise you we
> >will
> >kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, "
> I am afraid I can't keep
> >my
> >promise but I hope you will keep yours."
> >
>
> rgds

What womens really mean


I heard a noise - I noticed you were almost asleep

You Want - You Want

We Need - I Want

It's your decision - The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want - You'll pay for this later

We need to talk - I need to complain

Sure...go ahead - I don't want you to

You're certainly attentive tonight - Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! - I'm not having a period

Hang the picture there - No, I mean hang it there!

Do you love me? - I'm going to ask for something expensive

I'll be ready in a minute - Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

You have to learn to communicate - Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? - Too late, your a goner

I'm sorry - You'll be sorry.

No - Yes

Maybe - No

Do you like this recipe? - It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

I'm not yelling! - Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

This kitchen is so inconvenient - I want a new house...and curtains and carpeting, furniture...

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i..........rock........!!!!!

With the economy in the state it is, the only two banks standing will be:

The blood bank and the sperm bank.

Then they too will merge to form:

The Bloody F>>king Bank

Happy Friday everybody..

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

On a flight James bond was sitting next to an Indian guy.

Indian Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"

James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, " .....James Bond."

Then Bond asks: "And you?"

Indian Guy: " My name is Rao... Siva Rao...

Samba Siva Rao... Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...

Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."


Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"