"Love and sex fade over time my friend , its the companionship which remains " were words spoken 2 me by a Manager 02 years back and I bore this strongly in mind .
I think success of any relationship -- friendship , spouse or otherwise depends upon like mindedness and commitment . Its like co operation & co ordination --- the former complements the latter . If u have commitment and faith ur marriage will survive all odds be it arranged / love . However if u have like mindedness it will glide .
Though like mindedness may occur both in love / arranged love marriages have an edge over arranged ones as u fall in love over a period of time with in which u communicate with the other person and feel whether u r like minded or not unlike an arranged which is chance based.
Trust me u can live with less money , less beauty but not with less like mindedness or conflicting personalities .
Or else as Frank Sinatra sang " Love n marriage go together like a horse and carriage -- u cant have 1 without the other "
Just my 2 cents .
Manasvi.
I go for the Love Marriage.....though mine was a friendship which turned to love and respect for each other and then we had a nice marriage with the blessings of all our elders! Way to go isn't it !
IMPO, when parents try to find life partners for their kids, I don't think that there is anything wrong in that. They are the people who sometimes know you more than your ownself. It is all a matter of being on the same wavelength for all parties concerned.
Any relationship which is allowed to'season' always brings out the best essence/fragrance unlike the half baked relations. One always needs to work on something one cherishes, add new facets and keep things alive.
Have seen friends in both types of marriages failing miserably mainly due to lack of committment,lack of communication, over expectations, EGO and impatience......it is a person to person thing.....no set rules....though would not agree to live in relationships as something from which you have the provision to walk away from, is not worth anything.
Worship
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It is so simple to be happy but so difficult to be simple
Quote:
Orginally posted by dimple2001
1. My cousin - she is in the process of divorce - lives in India - the guy is having affairs - love marriage.
2. My co-worker - desi - in the process of divorce - lives in US - don't know the reason - arranged marriage.
3. My co-worker - desi - in the US - divorced - don't know the reason - arranged marriage.
4. My ex co-worker and a good family friend - American (Caucasian, if that makes a difference), just completed the divorce after 12 yrs of marriage - needless to say, love marriage.
5. One of our family members - seriously considering divorce - "fed up" with her husband - married for many years - has a 20 yr old daughter studying in US - immigrated to US about 8 yrs ago - arranged marriage.
Good Survey on divorce!
60% -> Desi in US- Arrage marriage
20% -> Non-Desi In US- Love marriage
20% -> Desi in India- Love marriage
My conclusion:
Desies should do arrage marriage in India and Love marriage in US
Smartguy
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Special Requests: Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job
Location: Western Hemisphere
Posted on: 23-02-05 13:56:26
Hey Smartguy,
Interesting inferences from my sample.... Though, not enough sample to conclude.....based on six sigma experience
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Dimple2001
Quote:
Orginally posted by dimple2001
Hey Smartguy,
Interesting inferences from my sample....
Oh these statistics and data management and six sigma principles (what the heck is it by the way??) - nothing ever comes close to your own, first hand experience in life and opinions formed from that experience.
As I wrote it once before - in a survey conducted in a city of a million people, with a sample size of 200K, they found the adult men in the city on an average had 1.75 children while the adult females on an average had 1.56 children. So is the inference to be taken that males have more children than females? I thought both men and women were required to produce children (but yes, in today's world of artificial insemination, women could have more children!!!).
And those charts and indicators - my my! The Euro went up 2% against US$ in last 24 hrs not because suddenly the European economy has become better overnight - but because the charts said that if it goes above one particular point, it should go up by 1.5%, but if it reached that point and returned, it should go down by 1%!
Moral of the story? One has to derive from his experience with friends and realtions and co-workers whether love marriage or arranged are better. In my own experience, divorces are less a result of non-compatability due to likes and dislikes, but more because the partners are less acceptive of other's behaviour/likes/needs/strengths/weaknesses etc.
Chandresh
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Chandresh
Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!
Quote:
Orginally posted by chandresh
Quote:
Orginally posted by dimple2001
Hey Smartguy,
Interesting inferences from my sample....
Oh these statistics and data management and six sigma principles (what the heck is it by the way??) -
Chandresh
http://www.isixsigma.com/sixsigma/six_sigma.asp
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Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.
Location: Ottawa (Now in Bangalore)
Posted on: 25-02-05 16:57:20
Quote:
Orginally posted by worship
I go for the Love Marriage.....though mine was a friendship which turned to love and respect for each other and then we had a nice marriage with the blessings of all our elders! Way to go isn't it !
IMPO, when parents try to find life partners for their kids, I don't think that there is anything wrong in that. They are the people who sometimes know you more than your ownself. It is all a matter of being on the same wavelength for all parties concerned.
Any relationship which is allowed to'season' always brings out the best essence/fragrance unlike the half baked relations. One always needs to work on something one cherishes, add new facets and keep things alive.
Have seen friends in both types of marriages failing miserably mainly due to lack of committment,lack of communication, over expectations, EGO and impatience......it is a person to person thing.....no set rules....though would not agree to live in relationships as something from which you have the provision to walk away from, is not worth anything.
Worship
My experience is quite similar to that of worship !.. I would also add a caveat for all you FOB (fresh off the boat) guys and Girls from India... Stay away from CBCD's (Canadian born confused desi's) ..when it comes to marriage...believe me (in general and not specifically), u are marrying a Canadian and not an "Indian"...
As they say, you can dress it up, but u cannot make a Canadian an Indian...
So when I first came to Canada, I had this problem also....Watching all those Yash Chopra NRI-crap movies...i was enamoured by "desi" gals here. That was 1998 ... It all ended up as failed relationships !
Now approx 3 years back, I met a girl on the net. She was Indian (as much as you can get)..and like me in all respects (i.e., Non resident Bengali etc etc ...in short we had similar likes..)... So as a result, in my usual style, i started flirting with her (just as I used to do with other "gals on da net"
...As worship says, it began as a flirt and last year I made up my mind that she was the one for me...and Proposed to her... Then it all became a family affair...
So smartguy....ur inference is wrong
.... Let me add one more thing... When you love someone, you should do that from your heart and not cos you "like the way she looks"... We have all heard it, but when it comes to implement it we back off...I was once upon a time like that too... a hypocrite... with my marriage, I can say I have let go off my past -----------------------------------------------------------------
"Aur Vaise Bhi, Sharafat ki jab kapde utarti hai, sabse zyaada mazaa shareefon ko hi aati hai"....(From The Dirty Picture)
Warning !! SCAM ALERT !!
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This is a Useful Health related Tip
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Please visit
http://www.cmje.org/religious-texts/quran/verses/009-qmt.php for some interesting Information ! (Especially 009.005 )
