Hi All

I live in Mississauga and have a neighbour from India, next to my room who shares kitchen and bathroom with me. He is an extremely addicted alcoholic, who is totally out of his control and out of his senses. Most of the time he is home drinking continuously until the whole bottle he got consumed. He has been arrested, fined and kept in the cell by the police on the road more than a half dozen times, when he walks on the road towards restorent/LCBO.

He also abuses and misbehaves with the persons who try to advice/help. He always try to deceive others including his wife and kids by phone, who live in India with a hope that he is sponsering them soon(for the last two years). He also abuses his wofe, kids and other relatives, whoever call to tell him not to drink. So, there is no one left to take care of him and his situation except me as the only neighbour.

I better stop here ... it may not be good to tell bad about some one without his presence. I dare to post this after 40 days of struggle, tension, sleepless nights and its a hell like situation for me.

I some times worry...that he may die any time, bcause he drinks continuously with out a break and food all day and night and looks like he is killing himself.

he is a well qualified and experienced mechanical engineer from Bangalore.

I have only two options left either to leave the place or get him out of this situation. I talk to many local people, but nobody, interested to help as he won't be listen to any one.

His wife and kids want him back to India now. When I managed to arrange a flight ticket to bangalore thru Frankfort, he came back to Toronto after 3 days and told he came back, because he wants to take care of finantial responsibilities before leaving to India. Then I financed and arraged another ticket which is direct flight to Delhi without a break. This time Air Canada denied to allow him to travel on their and their partners flights. When I requested, the legal officer of Air Canada sent a letter stating that he has been banned from their flights to travel due to his unacceptable behaviour with their employees and officials at Frankfort airport where he also denied entree into Frankfort airport and got arrested for three days.

Its easy to deal with and control these guys in India but not here in this society.

I am wondering if there is a way, we can handle this guy the Indian way...I mean taking him to a rehabilitation center by force or other way, where he can get proper attention for a week or until he will be able to go India on his own without damaging his immigration status for the benefit of his family members.

That's the story guys!

Any advice or information will be greatly appreciated!

Please, help him and help ME!

Thank you for reading and wish nobody should go through such situation!


Surya.

Surya,

Your neighbour is very lucky to have someone like you around.

Unfortunately, there is no way to rehabilitate someone who does not recognise there is a problem. I dont think there is an "Indian Way" either .

I have close a close family member who used to be a total alcoholic but has not had a drink for about 30 yrs now. With some people it just takes one drink to slide back into the problem and they are better of without alcohol. I'm telling you this because there is hope that he can be rehabilitated but he has to realise that he needs help.

The person I talked about earlier received help from Alcoholics Anonymous(AA). He is an active member of this group and has helped a lot of other alcoholics overcome the problem. He does this on a voluntary basis as do almost all other AA mentors and members(afaik).

**A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes.**

Here is the link to the GTA chapter
http://www.aatoronto.org/AA-FAQ.html#what

A family member or someone who cares enough can call the group for advice on how to deal with the problem. Hopefully, they can give you some advice on how to help your friend. AA services are free.

Once again I commend you for trying to help thus far. It's probably more than I would have done in your place.

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No one can help your man unless he realizes he has a problem and wants to do something about it. The first step in rehabilition is for the alcoholic to recognize that he has a problem. Until then, nothing will help.

Instead of trying to send him to India, maybe you could ask his family in India to send over someone who can possibly influence this man and have him taken back to India.

You say he drinks without a break, without food and day and night. Does he not have a job? How is he managing to go to work if he is drunk during the day too? If he is sharing facilities with you, I assume that he is not making a lot of money. Alcohol is not cheap here, and if he is drinking the way you mention, where is he getting the all the money from?

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Diogenes
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The Cynic

Thank you jake3d and DiogenestheCynic.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a good option, but the type of councelling they offered is what I am doing for the last 7 weeks. He stopped drinking twice in three weeks for few days and started again.

About the money: He is luckey to have some good fellow Indians around who are not aware of his situation. A financial advisor of CandaTrust Bank managed a line of credit ($5000) and over draft facility, when he was really working about 2 months back.

Hate to see people wasting their lives like this...

Like i say, This country on one end is a land of opportunities....But on the other end, it can be frustrating to a lot.

Over the past decade, I have seen lots of suicide cases (atleast one a year).... Just hope this one doesnt end up there. Life is too precious...and all problems can be solved. Going back to india can be a last option, but it is still a very good option.

One of my friends brother (not an indian) was depressed just like this guy. He would stay in-doors all day. He wasnt alcoholic. He would get up at 11/12 in the morning. Bath for 2/3 hours. Wouldnt try to find work. He was really really depressed. My friend tried to send him to his home country to his parents 2/3 times, but he wouldnt go. Twice, he returned back from the airport. Finally, one of his other elder brothers flew here to get him and that worked. He stayed there for 6 months.... was back on track, and now is back here and working... He is also running an export business back home. I am happy for him. He had brothers who took care of him.

IMO, these people just give up on their lives. They dont acknowledge the problem. They do realize that there is some sorta problem, but dont "define" it the right way, and unless the problem is defined and addressed, it cant be solved. And when u ask them to go to their home country, they suddenly realize their other responsibilities....and are too chicken to face their own people... IMO, thats again suicidal.

U have to handle guys like these with care. Handle them as spoiled kids. Ur kids.

I think he is depressed, and a physchiatrist/phsychologist can do wonders. There are medicines that address depression. Lots of 'em ( i think they keep trying till they find the right one that works on a person). Using a phsycholigist can help address psychologicial issues. They can help rule out cognitive distortions ( U see something, but percieve it as something else. Ur views are distorted).
IMO, You have to follow these steps sequentially :
a) Make them acknowledge that a problem exists.
b) Help them "define" the problem
c) If views are distorted, work to restore them
d) Give them examples of how courageous they were in handling earlier problems in their lives. ( Remind him how hard it was but he did finish his engineering. Why not look for a change of career?)
e) Work on a plan that will address issues one-at-a-time
f) Bring them back to a life that has a schedule/daily pattern. Get up at so and so time, do so-and-so work from this time to that, cook, shop, etc... Once they are on a "daily pattern" for a couple of days, life starts looking normal and that can help. That can motivate them a lot, and they wouldnt wanna go back to their earlier state.

AA is also an option, but this guy may need some professional help here.

Take care dude... ur doing a good job.... It will also be frustrating..Just dont give up on him like others did. If he gets back on track which is a very good possibility, u will be glad u did a noble deed.

Take care... bison

Send him to the Dr. PHil show

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