http://www.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=37847

Mumbai, October 30: Have you noticed how the censors seem to be loosening up these days? I think that’s great. Except, I think the problem with broad-minded censor boards is that if the trend continues soon you won’t have any ‘A’ movies at all. Which would be tragic, of course. I mean a whole generation of kids would have nowhere to sneak into on a Friday afternoon.

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Tragic. My first adult movie (that I can remember) was Mackenna’s Gold. I think they gave it an ‘A’ certificate because of a certain underwater bathing scene. (Which I pretend to be vague about in polite company but, hey man, I gotta confess—that scene is actually embedded in my mind stronger than handprints set in concrete.)

Now at the time I remember thinking that the restrictive certificate was completely unnecessary. After all you can’t have cowboys and women bathe in a stream fully clothed, can you? The story would simply collapse. Well, whatever. Fact is the movie pulled an ‘A’. And caused us a lot of extra work. For one thing I had to borrow my mom’s eyeliner (or was it mascara?) and darken the shadow of the fuzz that graced my upper lip in those days. Then there was the small matter of the ID card. Dates were carefully scratched out and replaced as deftly as possible with earlier dates. I even went through rigorous voice modulation exercises which didn’t work. And finally had to resort to eating three ice creams every night followed by a cold water shower after which I would go to bed with my hair still wet in the fervent hope of catching a manly hoarse throat.

The first day I tried my luck, I got thrown out by the gateman without even getting the status enhancing chance to flash my ID. ‘‘Ai Tingoo, kahan ja raha hai? Yeh adults picture hai, samjhe? Char saal ke baad aa jaana.’’

I slunk away, while in the background, two girls with budding chests giggled furtively. The second time I thought my planning was a little better. I waited for the later show when aforementioned party pooper would have finished his shift and been replaced by (what looked like) more gullible prey. I even took the extra precautions of walking on my toes and wearing my hair in what must have looked like a pretty ridiculous bouffant. No luck. ‘‘Abbe Half Ticket! Chal phoot! Kal subah main cartoon dekh.’’ Was it my imagination or did the same two girls with the same budding chests giggle in the same background like a badly edited repeat scene from a B-Grade (but ‘U’ certified) movie?

Finally I got in on the third try. By employing the simple but foolproof method of walking in behind two guys who looked even smaller than me. I tried not to run. But I don’t recall breathing too much until I finally slouched into the comfort of my dark corner seat. The movie itself I don’t have vivid recollections of except ‘that’ scene. It flashed by in an instant.

And frankly I don’t think it was all it was made out to be. But I still walked out the cinema hall with a huge grin slapped across my mascaraed mouth. Because, I’d seen what the adults didn’t want me to see. Kinda like losing my virginity. Only better.

Postscript: Incidentally the gateman stopped me on my way out. ‘‘Kya Tingoo, Achcha laga?,’’ he said with a leery smile. I nodded quickly and ran as fast as I could almost as if I was scared that he’d turn me upside down and shake all those forbidden images out of my head. But he didn’t and he couldn’t and the pictures were mine.

Now just think what if Mackenna’s Gold had been a ‘U’ movie. Boring.

(Adi Pocha is an ad film-maker and can be contacted on

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"Aur Vaise Bhi, Sharafat ki jab kapde utarti hai, sabse zyaada mazaa shareefon ko hi aati hai"....(From The Dirty Picture)

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Please visit
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May you would have succeeded the first time itself if you HADN"T used that eyeliner/mascara!!

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Diogenes
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The Cynic

Heheheheheheh

Interesting