Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
and noticed that the new program began unexpected
child processing that took up a lot of space and
valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife
1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it
monitors all other system activity. Applications such
as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and
Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife
1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of
my other favorite applications. I am thinking
about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall
does not work on this program. Can you help me,
please!!!

Thanks, A TROUBLED USER

Dear TROUBLED USER:
This is a very common problem men complain about but
is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea
that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed
by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you
would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back
to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0
so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall,
delete, or purge the program files from the system
once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have
tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up
with more problems than the original system. Look in
your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I
recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the
situation. I suggest installing background application
program
"C:\YES DEAR" to alleviate software augmentation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest
you read the entire section regarding
General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might
occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command
"C:\APOLOGIZE". In any case avoid excessive use of YES
DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will
return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long
as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a
great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0. -- I recommend Flowers 2.1
and Diamonds 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances,
install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to
cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.

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ani

nice one..very informative,heres something a friend happened to forward to me...

Dear Tech Support,
> Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
> distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in
the
> flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend
> 5.0.
>
> In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as
> Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable
> programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0. and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation
8.0 no
> longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've
tried
> running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can
I do?
> Signed,
> Desperate


>
> Response:
>
> Dear Desperate:
>
> First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
> Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http:I
> Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't
forget
> to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as
designed,
> Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry
2.0 and
> Flowers 3.5.
>
> But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to
> default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1
is a
> very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever
you
> do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background
that
> will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do
not
> attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported
> applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is
a
great
> program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications
> quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory
and
> performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
> Good Luck,
> Tech Support
>
>

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There is no key to happiness.... the door is always open.