Posts: 1920
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 14-05-06 14:55:17
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 14-05-06 14:55:17
Quote:
Originally posted by meghal
(1) Family structure - Joint family is an inhernet part of Asian (Indian sub-continent or Chinese) tradition. ALthough there are nuclear family in Indian Metropolis - but that is because of either parents living in another city, or lack of space in parents home. So everybody gets surprised when I say that my I stay with my mother (Or in Canadian style - my mother stays with me). So will the next generation agree to stay in their parents house once they settle down. Will the parents ask their kids to stay with them and take care of them.
Here it is not unusual for parents to move to seniors home when they no longer can take care of themselves. For us, it is quite natural to feel guilty for thinking about sending parents to seniors home
This is a good issue that you've brought up.
I think that some customs work within a context and when the context changes, it is necessary to understand the difficulties that may arise.
For example. Traditionally (from what I understand) in India, women stay home to look after the children and run the house etc. Correct? Generally they know they will move into their inlaws home and there is a heirarchy (the eldest couple, usually the inlaws will rule the house and are respected and listened to).
Now - with women working full time outside the home, whether in India or Canada, a further problem has come up:
When your parents are at a point where they cannot take care of themself physically and may require full time care - will you or your spouse quit your full time job to take care of the parent?? Can you afford to? What if the cost of raising your own children is equal to the time and care ur parents require. What does one do?
Only 7% of seniors end up in nursing homes in North America. Seniors appear to live independantly from their children so that they can keep themselves sharp (using their mind and body) to do the things they enjoy (ie/ if they like gardening or other hobbies).
Guilt is a subjective thing. If a person (hypothetically)wants their parents around so they can also have their own children taken care of - then they are using the relationship to their advantage and maybe a bit of guilt is not a bad thing. IF you are in Canada and ur parents want to be back home in India and maintain that they will stay alone but arent happy here..would you allow your guilt to force them to live with you? At the expense of their happiness?
People that I know that have put their parents into Nursing homes stated that they did so when they had no other choice left. The parent was too sick/old/vulnerable to live without 24 hours care and their children could not afford to hire a nurse or stay home. It doesnt seem to be an easy decision.
There are heartless people everywhere. Even if one puts on the appearances that 'oh look im such a good son because i keep my parents with me' and then forces the parents to be stuck in the house as free babysitters..then is that any better than putting ur parents into a nursing home?
Im not trying to start an argument its just that it seems to be a belief in non north americans that north american familes are all either single parent homes or people dont care about anyone but themselves.
Case in Point; I remember seeing the Aishwarya Rai interview on TV with ..I think it was Letterman? Anyway, she was giggling away and saying "at least we Indians dont have to take an appointment to see our parents".
Do people even bother to find out what the truth is?
thats my 10 cents view (too long to be 2 cents)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
~ Morning rain
Quote:
Originally posted by meghal
I have been a bit vague in my original posting. Let me specify some social or political issues where clash of ideas/culture/values may arise when one immigrates to Canada and tries to assimilate into mainstream. I am not saying what is good or bad. I am just highlighting the difference
(7) At workplace - less hierarchy - you can call your superior by his first name. He does not have a separate office, but has a cubicle just like you. The owner of your company shares the same kitchen/coffee/washroom as the person at the bottom rung of ladder. This idea of equality can be hard to digest for somebody who might be at senior position in India and used to the beareaucracy.
Well at my office they do have separate office,kitchen and wash room for senior executives. we have 350 employees working in the same buiding. Of course, I am with the same company for 5 years (since I came to Canada) and have limited experience.
(8) This may not be a sharp difference, but Caucasians are said to be less frugal with their money than Asians. It won't hurt them much to blow away their savings or income on items of physical comfort. While in India, as typical middle class has always tried hard to make their ends meet, and hence is a bit stringent when it comes to spend the money. Can you change your money spending habits?
The reason, is that they damn are sure to get a job when they want. I am worried abt my future and want to take care of my kid's education
(10) Social causes - Canadians tend to be more vocal when it comes to social causes such as walks/marathons/fund raising etc. etc. It is interesting to see how media as well as society still holds vigils for Holly Jones case even after two years or recently in the services held for slain Windsor police officer. Whenever anybody is in trouble, the media as well as society will come forward to support that person.
Half the charities are fraud. They believe in tokenism.
Quote:
Originally posted by morning_rain
Guilt is a subjective thing. If a person (hypothetically)wants their parents around so they can also have their own children taken care of - then they are using the relationship to their advantage and maybe a bit of guilt is not a bad thing. IF you are in Canada and ur parents want to be back home in India and maintain that they will stay alone but arent happy here..would you allow your guilt to force them to live with you? At the expense of their happiness?
I am personally in the same situation. My parents and in-laws have not been able to stay with us for more than 2-3 months in Canada. They miss their lifestyle in India too much. They miss their home and peers. I could keep them here if I tell them I need their help(since my spouse has started working at a full-time job we could really do with it), however I think they have done enough for me already.
I know some people who want their parents to be here just for the self-admitted(and they see nothing wrong about it) convenience of having inhouse babysitters.
So basically, my question is how do my parents, in-laws and my family fit into the traditional family structure in India? OR is the family structure in India changing too? Afterall 'Culture' is not stationary, is it? Its not immune to changes, is it?. In some cases the individual will even desires/charts those changes to 'Culture' and 'Values', as in the above case. In other cases the collective will demands/imposes those(e.g: dowry *demands*...hopefully).
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Recommended Services- Servicedomino.com
http://www.servicedomino.com
Indian culture is a myth. Indians are the most uncultured people in my expirience.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You know you are a desi when ........ You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there...............You've never had a tanning salon membership
Posts: 5775
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 15-05-06 10:09:52
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 15-05-06 10:09:52
Quote:
Originally posted by Loser
Indian culture is a myth. Indains are the most uncultured people in my experience.
*******************************
Loser ji,
Any examples to substantiate your point / observation?
And also define "Culture", Please.
TK
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
Quote:
Originally posted by paramhams03
Hi Meghal,
You have provided the answers for all your questions.Well,change is a difficult process and so has to be necessarily gradual.Abrupt change leaves a lot of emotional turmoil. Attitudinal change is important to face upto the changes in environment for minimal emotional disturbance. But bringing about attitudinal change is probably the most difficult as you are required to accept things which you have not traditionally accepted. I think it is important for one to realise this.Attitudinal change could be and MUST BE atleast to the extent of mentally allowing others (or is it reconciling) their rights to lead lives the way they want,if it is not possible to accept what they do or what exists outside your control. This means that in such situations,one must develop the ability to be indifferent to or not take cognizance of those things that one does not like.
Nice post. Respect for the same!
Its probably difficult to apply the contents of your post when viewed in the context of ones own children. This is probably the major issue for most desis(I maybe among the exceptions), as one can summarize from Meghals subsequent post/list (e.g: dating, sex, dealing with homosexuality/phobia etc).
So how would you(or anyone else) apply your advice in the context of the above issues when ones own kids are involved?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Recommended Services- Servicedomino.com
http://www.servicedomino.com
Quote:
Originally posted by Loser
Indian culture is a myth. Indains are the most uncultured people in my expirience.
By the way are you an Indian ? If NOT you do not deserve to comment on Indian culture without knowing and understanding,what it is.
Please refrain from making such blanket statements . it would not do you any good ...
Forgive me for this blunt criticism..
God bless you..
