Posted on: 15-05-06 13:21:29
I don’t mean to be critical of this post, however, I suspect a number of the factors that are quoted here, are things that would apply equally to one living in a larger city of the India of this decade, (rather than the India of the 70’s or the 80’s), as they would to a Canadian.
‘Family structure’: In India, there are substantial numbers of people in the larger cities that would prefer to live as ‘nuclear families’. Often (and I don’t mean to stir an unpleasant debate about this), there is an inverse co-relation between a woman’s education level and her willingness to ‘live with the in-laws’.
Financial freedom for teenagers: A kid who leaves home at the age of 14 or 15 for the heck of it, has got to be pretty scr*wed up, whether its in India or Canada, and unlikely to be condoned in either place, unless there are mitigating circumstances. In terms of financial freedom for older teenagers and young adults however, its unlikely that the kids working for BPO’s in India are any different. In fact, if anything its got to be more acute there, with BPO salaries often being out of proportion to the cost of living.
Sexual activity and ‘sex education’: This is isn’t something that’s entirely alien to the larger cities in India. With higher HIV prevalence, I imagine that kids would undoubtedly be getting a good measure of sex education while in school, which is a lot better than them figuring things out among their friends. Growing up in the India of the 90s, teenage pregnancies were not entirely an anomaly, with the possible exception that attempts were made to ‘hush them up’ a lot more than one would find here.
Dating: Again, something that’s not entirely uncommon in the larger cities in India, anymore, neither is ‘living in’. If anything, the ‘financial freedom’ that comes from BPO jobs, spurs this on.
On the political front: India has been one of the most prolific contributors to United Nations peacekeeping forces. In terms of ‘interfering with another nation’s affairs’, think IPKF!
Quote:
Originally posted by meghal
I have been a bit vague in my original posting. Let me specify some social or political issues where clash of ideas/culture/values may arise when one immigrates to Canada and tries to assimilate into mainstream. I am not saying what is good or bad. I am just highlighting the difference
(1) Family structure - Joint family is an inhernet part of Asian (Indian sub-continent or Chinese) tradition. ALthough there are nuclear family in Indian Metropolis - but that is because of either parents living in another city, or lack of space in parents home. So everybody gets surprised when I say that my I stay with my mother (Or in Canadian style - my mother stays with me). So will the next generation agree to stay in their parents house once they settle down. Will the parents ask their kids to stay with them and take care of them.
Here it is not unusual for parents to move to seniors home when they no longer can take care of themselves. For us, it is quite natural to feel guilty for thinking about sending parents to seniors home
(2) Going by the same token teenagers start working in summer or having part-time jobs when they turn 14-15. As they earn money, I believe they also get the idea of financial independence. So it might not be unusual for them to move out of parents home and stay independently. How many desis can stomach their idea of having their kids move out of the home at very early age?
(3) Age of consent for sex is 16 (Tory government is thinking of passing the bill to raise the age by 18). How many desis can stomach the idea of their teenage kids having sex, or worse, teenage pregnancy?
(4) How comfortable you are with your kids being taught about sex/pregnancy/birth control/homosexuality in school? How comfortable you are with your kids mingling with kids of single parents/same sex couples/different ethnicity?
(5) I am still not comfortable with idea of dating. It is hard for me to digest the fact, that you stay with somebody for a brief (or long) period of time, share intimacy, and still can move out when things do not go along. Even marriage cannot provide you the security in relationship (Same may be true in India, but people normally are not corageous enough to ask for divorce).
(6) Respect for one's ideas, thoughts and freedom - You are free to have thoughts totally different from mainstream, and have the freedom to express themselves in the public. Nobody has the right to invade my freedom or private space. Similarly, you cannot enforce your ideas on your kids.
(7) At workplace - less hierarchy - you can call your superior by his first name. He does not have a separate office, but has a cubicle just like you. The owner of your company shares the same kitchen/coffee/washroom as the person at the bottom rung of ladder. This idea of equality can be hard to digest for somebody who might be at senior position in India and used to the beareaucracy.
(8) This may not be a sharp difference, but Caucasians are said to be less frugal with their money than Asians. It won't hurt them much to blow away their savings or income on items of physical comfort. While in India, as typical middle class has always tried hard to make their ends meet, and hence is a bit stringent when it comes to spend the money. Can you change your money spending habits?
(9) On a political front - it is perfectly normal for Canadian government to send their troops to Afghanistan-Haiti-Sudan-Rwanda for peacekeeping and democracy. I wonder how many of these countries have actually welcomed foreign troops on their soil. I still find it difficult to digest that what happens in another part of world, can be your business, and that you have a right to meddle in other countries affairs.
(10) Social causes - Canadians tend to be more vocal when it comes to social causes such as walks/marathons/fund raising etc. etc. It is interesting to see how media as well as society still holds vigils for Holly Jones case even after two years or recently in the services held for slain Windsor police officer. Whenever anybody is in trouble, the media as well as society will come forward to support that person.
jake3d,
I think all of you are more or less happy with your life. The dilemna will be more when (I hope not) they grow older & have to depend on other outsiders for day-to-day things.
I have seen lots of people in India whose kids are abroad & their parents have to live alone here simply because the parents do not like life abroad & their children do not want to move back. Believe me, life is miserable for parents because they have to depend on outsiders.
Don't know whom to blame, whether the parents for not wanting to stay with kids even in old age or the kids for not wanting to move back for the parents.
There are also people in India whose parents live alone even though their son is doing very well. Earlier you wouldn't find many old parents living with their married daughters but now there are quite a few people being taken care of by their daughter & son-in-law.
Rgds.
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Let's make India a better place !
Quote:
Originally posted by rajand
jake3d,
I think all of you are more or less happy with your life. The dilemna will be more when (I hope not) they grow older & have to depend on other outsiders for day-to-day things.
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Rajand,
I agree with you.
I guess we'll take it as it comes...luckily for me I've got 2 younger brothers who currently live closer to my parents than me. We'll see how it works out. I'm hoping my kids can brainwash them this time(they are coming here in 3 weeks.)
. Hopefully this visit will be longer thatn the last ones.-----------------------------------------------------------------
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Good discussion.
I tend to agree with Jake, Crenshaw and others on that fact that adaptiong to change in many aspects of the way we live is a reflection of changing times and it is not a Canada only phenomenon.
Certain cultural trends may be very prevalent here but India esp urban centers are not very far behind.
How far would we go to change ourselves, it is really upto the person but weather one changes or not You'd always be a Canadian...of Indian origin.
We all meet plenty of such people every day ....the other day i met a guy called Mike Sada , on meeting him i figured he has south Asian roots, it turns out he he been here for a less than 3 years,.... bleached hair with a false Canadian accent and his real name was "Mukesh Sadarangani". !!
On the other hand we have highly successful indians who do not give up their values and do very well case in point ..tabla maestro Vineet Vyas who was raised in Nova Scotia and he is now teaching indian music in New Delhi.
Different strokes for different folks. It is important to do what works best for you, without compromising ones peace of mind.
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What can be imagined, can be achieved.
I agree with you fully. Currently, i am struggling with the fact should I bring my parents to Canada? My father is old 86 and my mother is 75. My mother does have health issues. If I bring them it won't be for looking after kids as I donot have kids. The thing I am struggling with is will they be happy here. They will have no company, they will be stuck in the house for 24 hrs in cold season. If my work requires travel to US, i will not be in Canada to take care of them. I was thinking of processing their permanent resident status as health care costs will be taken care of. But the processing might take too long. So far I have been unable to make any progress as their passports have expired and somebody needs to renew them before I could do anything. I have requested my siblings to get their passport renewed but nodbody seems to have time to take off from their work and take them to passport office. So it wil have to be done on my next visit to India.
I would advice you to leave them in India as it is good for their mental happiness .
Quote:
Originally posted by lana2005
I agree with you fully. Currently, i am struggling with the fact should I bring my parents to Canada? My father is old 86 and my mother is 75. My mother does have health issues. If I bring them it won't be for looking after kids as I donot have kids. The thing I am struggling with is will they be happy here. They will have no company, they will be stuck in the house for 24 hrs in cold season. If my work requires travel to US, i will not be in Canada to take care of them. I was thinking of processing their permanent resident status as health care costs will be taken care of. But the processing might take too long. So far I have been unable to make any progress as their passports have expired and somebody needs to renew them before I could do anything. I have requested my siblings to get their passport renewed but nodbody seems to have time to take off from their work and take them to passport office. So it wil have to be done on my next visit to India.
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You know you are a desi when ........ You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there...............You've never had a tanning salon membership
Someone made a brief post saying that Indian culture is a myth.
While I wouldn't go that far, I would have to say that the Indian culture is definitely a melting pot of many cultures. It is nearly impossible to classify more than a billion people as having the same culture. There is also the Indian culture that is broadcast from Mumbai.
Further, one has only to examine the very diverse racial characteristics present in the Indian population, to hypothesize that there is no definable Indian culture.
In fact, I have the most trouble trying to identify Indian racial features...or can it be said to be a race? I can identify Chinese features, Caucasican features, and even African features within the Indian population.
I might get flamed for this, but it would appear from the evidence that the Indian population is (or has been in the past) a lot more forward thinking (liberal) when it comes to inter-racial marriages and relationships than many have been led to believe.
Regarding acceptance of Canadian values and culture, I would take it one by one. If it seems reasonable, logical, and most importantly, if you as an individual like the values or tradition, go for it. If you still have some hangups about something despite logic or reason suggesting it is ok, don't impose it on your children (unless you are fairly sure that they won't develop hangups because they are 2nd generation or 3rd generation). If you expect your kids (and grandkids) will stay here, there is not much point fighting for some things that will eventually be eroded over time.
Life is very short. It is best to live it the way you want to.
