RULES FOR DIETING
>
> 1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
>
> 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar
> are canceled out by the diet soda.
>
> 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat
> more than they do.
>
> 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
> brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
>
> 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
>
> 6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part
> of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples:
> Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)
>
> 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie
> leakage.
>
> 8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the
> process of preparing something sweet and gooey.
>
> 9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
> (Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed
> potatoes; pink grapefruit and ham.)
>
> 10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food
> color.
>
> 11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity
> and the density of the caloric mass.


12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the
calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his plate.
We all know how calories like to cling!

Nice one.