Very often in our daily lives, we come across accusations from colleagues, friends or relatives, who could be suspicious of our motives or intentions, which perhaps can be quite baseless and completely a result of imagination working overtime or total misunderstanding. The nerve to speak out is one way to set records right, ,but if not done, this small seed sowed within the prejudiced thinking can germinate into a catastrophe that can spoil or ruin an otherwise perfect relationship…. I have experienced such situations many a time …. The following two illustrations will help us think correctly…. Both are about carrying grudge … first one being a misunderstanding of intentions, while the second one is of being able to grow outside of inflated sense of ego…seeing the good in others or put it this way, seeing the good one is capable of … and to forgive…. And thereby drop the grudge….. read on…….
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The Pretty Lady..

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.

The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk. But he kept quiet... The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'

[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river.
This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

THE TAO OF FORGIVENESS

One day, the sage gave the disciple an empty sack and a basket of
potatoes. "Think of all the people who have done or said something
against you in the recent past, especially those you cannot forgive.
For each of them, inscribe the name on a potato and put it in the
sack."

The disciple came up quite a few names, and soon his sack was heavy
with potatoes.

"Carry the sack with you wherever you go for a week," said the
sage. "We'll talk after that."

At first, the disciple thought nothing of it. Carrying the sack was
not particularly difficult. But after a while, it became more of a
burden. It sometimes got in the way, and it seemed to require more
effort to carry as time went on, even though its weight remained the
same.

After a few days, the sack began to smell. The carved potatoes gave
off a ripe odor. Not only were they increasingly inconvenient to
carry around, they were also becoming rather unpleasant.

Finally, the week was over. The sage summoned the disciple. "Any
thoughts about all this?"

"Yes, Master," the disciple replied. "When we are unable to forgive
others, we carry negative feelings with us everywhere, much like
these potatoes. That negativity becomes a burden to us and, after a
while, it festers."

"Yes, that is exactly what happens when one holds a grudge. So, how
can we lighten the load?"

"We must strive to forgive."

"Forgiving someone is the equivalent of removing the corresponding
potato from the sack. How many of your transgressors are you able to
forgive?"

"I've thought about it quite a bit, Master," the disciple said. "It
required much effort, but I have decided to forgive all of them."

"Very well, we can remove all the potatoes. Were there any more
people who transgressed against you this last week?"

The disciple thought for a while and admitted there were. Then he
felt panic when he realized his empty sack was about to get filled
up again.

"Master," he asked, "if we continue like this, wouldn't there always
be potatoes in the sack week after week?"

"Yes, as long as people speak or act against you in some way, you
will always have potatoes."

"But Master, we can never control what others do. So what good is
the Tao in this case?"

"We're not at the realm of the Tao yet. Everything we have talked
about so far is the conventional approach to forgiveness. It is the
same thing that many philosophies and most religions preach - we
must constantly strive to forgive, for it is an important virtue.
This is not the Tao because there is no striving in the Tao."

"Then what is the Tao, Master?"

"You can figure it out. If the potatoes are negative feelings, then
what is the sack?"

"The sack is... that which allows me to hold on to the negativity.
It is something within us that makes us dwell on feeling
offended.... Ah, it is my inflated sense of self-importance."

"And what will happen if you let go of it?"

"Then... the things that people do or say against me no longer seem
like such a major issue."

"In that case, you won't have any names to inscribe on potatoes.
That means no more weight to carry around, and no more bad smells.
The Tao of forgiveness is the conscious decision to not just to
remove some potatoes... but to relinquish the entire sack.


Thomas Friedman in the New York Times....

'When we were young kids growing up in America, we were
Told to eat our vegetables at dinner and not leave them.
Mothers said, think of the starving children in India
And finish the dinner.'

And now I tell my children:
'Finish your homework. Think of the children in India
Who would make you starve, if you don't.'?'

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The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
Mahatma Gandhi

The first example you gave is in The New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, page 139 under the heading "Carrying the Past". On page 137, there is "The Duck with a Human Mind" is another good example for carrying the grudge. This book is a great read, over and over. His other book "Stillness Speaks" is another great read like The New Earth.

Everything comes down to how we are brought up, the environment, the people, etc. Lot of people have giant ego, carry grudge for ever and highly insecure. They refuse to change as their mind is conditioned to that and they dont look around to see what else is around. They live and die like that. Listening to spiritual discourses, getting involved in charities / religious / spiritual outfits without any selfish motive would help a lot.

KM