Lets joke and laugh, this time nothing on anybodys religion.

I am starting with few :-

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Ashraf, a Pakistani child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio

"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.

"Ashraf". . .. - answered the kid.

"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," -replied the teacher.

In the evening, Ashraf returned home.
"How was your day, Ashraf?" - asked his mother.

"My name is not Ashraf. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
- and she beat him.

Then she called his father and he too beat him.

The next day Ashraf returned to school..

When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?

Well madam, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by two Pakistani's At home."

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg of meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one CANADA Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the CANADA Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a CANADA PR Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. The lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle .. but .. you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!! '

1)TEACHER: Why are you late?
LJOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
LJOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


2)TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
LJOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!


3)TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
LJOHNY: "KROKODAIL"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
LJOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!


4)TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
LJOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
LJOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!


5)TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
LJOHNY: George!


6)TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
LJOHNY: Me!


7)TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
LJOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.



8)TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
LJOHNY: Don't bite any.


9)TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
LJOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
LJOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


10)Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
LJohnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime


11)Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LJohnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."


12)Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
LJohnny: Brotherly love.


13)Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
LJohnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


14)Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did u copy his?
LJohnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!


15)Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
LJohnny : A teacher

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0


Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User"



REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) .
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C: \APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean2.5, Sweep3.0, Cook1.5 and DoLaundry4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3.This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support ...

A foreigner hired a taxi in Cairo and after the usual charges adjustment and destination confirmation foreigner sat in there, after few miles running foreigner observed that taxi driver broke the signal light Red; foreigner who was busy in reading newspaper opened his mouth and asked hay man what you did, you have not seen the Red light, taxi driver replied pl. keep quiet and let me drive I am a professional, foreigner had no argument.

After a further distance the foreigner observed that the taxi is approaching another signal, and as the taxi reached closer to the signal the signal turns into Red and without any hesitation the taxi crosses over the signal, this time foreigner throwed his newspaper and shouted on taxi driver, man this is now enough and I am not happy with your driving, please drop me here immediately. The taxi driver replied, don't worry I am a professional driver. Suddenly the taxi reached another signal and this time luckily the signal light was Green instead of driving through, the driver applied emergency breaks and taxi stopped just before the signal light, foreigner jumped from his seat and asked what happened now signal light is Green and why you have stopped the taxi, with smile driver replied: please don't worry I am a professional driver but Sir another professional may be crossing the Red Light from other direction.

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'