Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 5. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs 5 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs 10. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 12 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 40 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50." The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!! !! -

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It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New
Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian
chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to
be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after
several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National
Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks
like this winter is Going to be quite cold indeed,' the meteorologist at the
weather service Responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
Wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Is it
going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service
again replied, 'it's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National
Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to
be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' The Man replied. 'It's going to be one of the
coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Red
Indians are collecting wood like Crazy.'

That was funny.....

The red indian joke is hillarious. Here's something else:

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STOCK MARKET REPORT (this one's OLD and everywhere)
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market...
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"I hear that you drop some money in Wall Street. Were you a bull or a bear?"
"Neither, just a plain simple ass."
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There was an investor who had three girlfriends, but he didn't know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the investor, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and then decided. QUESTION: Who did the investor marry? ANSWER: (from right to left) !stit tseggib eht htiw eno ehT