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Originally posted by chandresh


1. Do you equate education to academics in school or something more than that? I think you are only focussed on school syllabus and not education per se. Would be good if you introspect what is it that you are trying to do - educate the child or force him to get better grades in school (even at the cost of not being educated)

2. Universitities, or 'reputed universities' are not the only source of being able to realize your full potential. In my view, good and reputed universities are good ONLY if you have made up your mind to take up a job after graduating - that means working for someone else. It is because the best employers take new and fresh employees from some universities which then get the title of reputed universities. This would also mean that you have a mindset that your son should only go for a job - never even think of being able to start on his own, follow his passion and turn it into his profession or business.

3. I think that it is you who is feeling that there are more distractions in this new environment - because may be you find more distractions than you found in India. Or may be because now your son is reaching that age where you yourself did not have so many things at your disposal (computers/TV/socialising) that you are feeling it is happening to him as an immigrant. Believe me, the so called distractions would have been same (or even more perhaps) if your son was growing in India. It is a generation change distraction - not India / Canada distraction. Please introspect and then decide.

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I agree once in High school, there are many distractions here in North America (like Ipods and Iphones and drums and guitars bands, easy internet for their own laptops, peer pressures... more so than in India). They have less supervision also here. They have to balance it all. Thats why I agree too that parents have to play a bigger role here.

I can suggest starting Kumon, or hiring a good Grade 12 student to tutor. (You can ask the schoolteacher). This works I have seen, the older students know the techniques since they have been through the system.

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Originally posted by mississauga2


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It is not I who will decide what my kid should do in life. The whole thread is about looking for and providing assistance to him who wishes to achieve better grades to be successful in entering his chosen field. Since this is a North American education system, diff from Indian system ( thank goodness for that), we as parents always will strive to provide those means and support to our kid.

I thank those who have PM me with the resources. I would like to invite others to share their resources regarding study habits & techniques used.

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Very interesting thread and lots of good feedback. As a product of Western education, I'd like to add my 2 cents.

First of all, KUDOS to you on being such a good and concerned parent. Glad that you are devoting a lot of time to your kids and their future. Some how, in the shuffle of life, sometimes it gets hard to create time!!!!

My first recommendation would be to stop comparison to INDIA. WE ARE NOT IN INDIA ANY MORE... Things in India vs. Canada are very different. The idnia you left behind is not the same any more.... We just don't have an apples to apples comparison here since both countries have very different educational systems.
Another thing to note is that when your child was in India, he was in lower grades where the pressure was less(or possibly different) so the marks mean different things. Also, he was not caught in the numbers game. He was probably just having a good time going to school and doing what he does best and the percentages weren't on his mind as they probably are now.
As for distractions, I think there are more distractions in India for teenagers than are in Canada now but again, he was oblivious to those distractions as a youngster and being that he's a teenager now, lots of things are changing within him.
I'm sure he's just as smart now if not smarter but I'd take a moment to just talk to him and ask him questions not related directly to marks and tests. things like what he thinks of his life here, how he likes his new teachers, friends, the environment etc, what he dis likes etc and you might get a clue into something. ASk him about the level of education here and how he feels it comapres to india; i know many kids are happy about the lighter school bags here.
One thing my parents did that worked well for me was they opened my eyes to a life outside of Medical and Engineering professions. They'd always talk about how if things were different for them they could have done this or that or the other(Photography was my dad's first love). This just helped us know that we had options. My cousins had an automatic love for engineering because they were boys and it was the NORM for boys to be engineers in india so they never thought of any thing else and their parents automatically assumed that their kids wants to be an engineer so they also never said anything.
I'm not discounting the fact that he may need some help in form of tuitions etc but I think that sometimes we should try to take a different approach. By the way, it doesnt' hurt to ask him if he feels the need for some tuition.. he's old enough to be able to intelligently participate in discussions about his future.

By the way, the poster who suggested the kiss ass method (first response), it's unfortunate but true. It happens EVERYWHERE not just in CANADA. However, I'd not teach my son to be a blatant kiss ass. Instead i'd let my actions guide him like someone suggested.. take the time to meet and greet the teachers and other parents, volunteer, be VISIBLE which is different from a KISS ASS... if you are visible, you are on top of people's minds. for example: Take time and put thought into gifts that you may give the teachers over xmas (if you don't u should.. that really does help); take a moment to ask the teacher how are you doing? DOn't make contact with the teacher only when things go wrong. Thank them for the hard work they are dong for your child and appreciate them too. Such small things go a LONG WAY without necessarily teaching your kids the wrong kiss ass approach. Frankly, the issue is that we are so caught up in the struggle to survive, we have forgotten that sometimes, just taking a moment to sit back is all it takes.

Sorry, didn't mean to preach a surmon here but do keep us posted on what works for you and good luck!!!! (by the way as morning rain said, his marks are commendable so remember to congratulate him for that too ). Chandresh, as always, love your balanced approaches to life.

BEING A PARENT IS PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING IN LIFE... before i became one, i thought havin a kid was hard but having gone through it, i now feel that was a piece of cake (and i'm a woman ) The life long parenting is so much harder!!!!

GOOD LUCK

Good post I would say and something similar to what I was trying to put, but this one has been in better language.

HOWEVER.............

I do not agree to the Kiss Ass thing atall, firstly because my own wife is a teacher in the same system, and three of my friends' wives, and one colleague's wife is also a teacher, and we have discussed this thing many a times. As a general rule, this kiss ass thing is no good........except that there are exceptions in each school. But being exceptions, they are in minority and no one should generalise based on this.

Secondly, I do not agree to this because my personal experience of schools here when my kids were in primary/secondary school (and my wife was NOT a teacher, but just a parent. We never gave gifts for teacher because at that time we thought that it was like a bribe and even teacher might take it otherwise - only after my wife became a teacher, we came to know that this was a norm here.

My children did well, without gifts and kiss ass - even though we were totally new to the system of education here. Infact, when we came here, the biggest advantage we had was that we did not, even in Asia, ever cared for grades. While my son was always amongst the top three in class in Asia (singapore/Indonesia), my daughter was like 18-20th in class of 30, and we neither compared them, nor asked them to study for exams. While my son went on to be the best student for academics in his primary school (he got that award), my daughter became the valedictorian, and then both went to Schulich School of business - a highly reputed business school in Canada.

As for gifts, my wife, the other teacher friends clearly say that it does not affect their rankings for a child. In fact, they pity the children who think that they have to necessarily get the gift - most of which is really pain to bring home. My wife's school and may be other schools also have a large bin in the staff room where the teachers put the gifts they got from students and the whole box is then sent to needy families/charities.

In short, the kiss ass thing, according to me is an exception and not a general rule.

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Originally posted by guptamik


By the way, the poster who suggested the kiss ass method (first response), it's unfortunate but true. It happens EVERYWHERE not just in CANADA. However, I'd not teach my son to be a blatant kiss ass. Instead i'd let my actions guide him like someone suggested.. take the time to meet and greet the teachers and other parents, volunteer, be VISIBLE which is different from a KISS ASS... if you are visible, you are on top of people's minds. for example: Take time and put thought into gifts that you may give the teachers over xmas (if you don't u should.. that really does help);

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Chandresh

Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!

Thanks Chandresh. Yes our posts were quite similar.
I think I need to clarify the whole KISS ASS thing. I would like to clarify using examples.

Scenario: You go to work everyday, do your 8 to 5 gig, sit at your desk, eat at your desk just nod random hellos to people. Another person in the same capacity comes to work, smiles at everyone, takes the time to talk to people about their life and his/her own. Come promotion time, if both you and that person are the same from a work capacity, chances are that second person would be considered FIRST because he's jsut more visible !!!
Scenario : You go to a restaurant to eat. The waiter takes your order, brings you your food, you eat, pay and leave. Basically this waiter jsut did his bare minimum job and you probably gave him bare minimum tip. You go to another place, the waiter is friendly, smiles, talks to you, wouldn't you pay a better tip to this person? Wouldn't you wish the same person provided service to you next time?
Scenario: There's a teacher who does his/her job of teaching, no personal touch no creativity. There's another teacher who makes education fun, adds a personal touch to the lessons... which teacher would be more successful and have more attentive class?
Scenario: The postman delivers mail to everyone as part of his job. Come xmas you leave a little something for him in the mail box and the guy next door doesn't. Say there's a situation where the guy next door needs a favour, the mail man probably won't oblige but if you needed something, he would.
Scenario: You have a maid. She does a great job but you treat her as just that.. MAID. If you ever want her to spend a few extra hours, she probably won't oblige. But say you treat her better, let her go home early some time, give her a gift now and then, wouldn't she oblige you when needed?

The idea i'm trying to convey is that we have to treat others as humans. When we take out the titles of maid, teacher, postman, president and just look at the person it goes a LONG way. I do this in my life becuase my parents have done the same and I have to say, never did the thought cross my mind that i should do it as a bribe or as a way to get brownie points. It's just my nature to treat others as i'd like to be treated and it gives me a great sense of contentment and a good night's sleep To some people it's nature to others it's brownie points. Bottom line is, as humans, we all appreciate compassion and it's only human nature that makes us go the extra mile for someone who'd do the same. As you mentioned your self, the giving gifts is a norm here and NOT giving is looked upon as weird. The gifts are not considered as bribes. By no means am i saying that if you give your teacher a gift you'll be an A student.. i hope my kid never has such a teacher. All i meant to say was, it'll add a personal touch...

....Not to go on and on, I hope that I have conveyed my thoughts
By the way, KUDOS to your kids. Let's definitely hightlight that we have to teach our kids to work to the best of their ability and everything else will fall into place.
Going back to mississauge2, how are you handling the situation with your son? Care to share?

Thank you to all who are sharing their suggestions to my thread...

The whole point of the thread is to exchange information as to the study methods used by successful students HERE. The reason I mention India, is that the first generation has studied in India with a DIFFERENT STUDY METHOD and different STUDY SYLLABUS: therefore we donot know exactly how to encourage our children to excel HERE in the Canadian edn system. Hence, I have welcomed everyone to share in their school success experiences and student's (High School and up) STUDY TIPS.

(Please do not take this thread towards parent's preference or goal versus kid's preferences/goals.... in our case they are aligned!)

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Originally posted by guptamik

Thanks Chandresh. Yes our posts were quite similar.
I think I need to clarify the whole KISS ASS thing. I would like to clarify using examples.

....Not to go on and on, I hope that I have conveyed my thoughts

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Chandresh

Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!