These are some thoughts that I posted on my blog. Re-posting them here. Coincidentally, both Indian and Canadian Prime Minister have changed.

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Imagine the condition of a person, who spent his childhood in Bhuj, spent his adolescence and youth in Nadiad & Vadodara, and now as he tries to settle down in Toronto, what identity should he assume? Where are his roots? To whom should he tie his emotional bonds? What is his identity? That is the dilemma I am facing.

I feel as if I do not belong to any place. That, perhaps I am a global gypsy, with no roots, India is a past, Canada is present and future. But neither can I become 100% Canadian, nor can I completely identify myself with an average Indian, walking on the road of any Indian city. (Not cultural identification – but attributed more with the change in lifestyle)

Emotionally I am tied to Bhuj. I believe myself as a pure 100% Kutchi, although it is almost 18 years since I said bye-bye to Bhuj. I spent my whole childhood in that town. All my relatives are still at Bhuj. I still have a “Kutchi” background, speak Gujarati with Kutchi accent. In my dreams, I am always in Bhuj. Any news related to Bhuj excites me, and I try to remain up to date with the events occurring in my community and my city.

But on a broader basis, what is my identity? As I try to adjust into Canadian society and get settle down, what identity should I assume? I suffer from an identity crisis.

I have a complain (It also applies to me). Most of Indians in Canada live an insular life. We listen to Indian music, watch Indian movies, shop in Indian stores, eat "rotli-daal-bhaat-shaak", and at job, form our own circle and talk about India. For an average Canadian (or white person), I am still an Indian. Even if I change my accent, I change my style of living, change my whole self, I still cannot wash my "Indianness". My skin, my culture, my way of thinking – everything is Indian and will always remain Indian. That is a part of me which I can never change, and I do not want to change.

At the same time, thanks to Canadian government’s policy to encourage multiculturalism, I can still be a 100% Indian, and still live in Canada. I am free to practice my personal faith, follow my own rituals, celebrate my own festivals, talk my own language.

But somehow I feel this habit of mine (or of any average Indian) makes him more aloof from the mainstream Canadian society. This may be applicable to any other immigrant. For the next generation, this question may be not that much importance, as they will be Canadians of Indian origin, but what about the present generation? What about all the people in similar circumstances like me? We cannot leave our culture and heritage; neither can we fully embrace Canadian way of living. We become too much conscious about preserving our way of living.

But as days pass, I feel a subtle change in myself. When I came to Canada, my whole mind yearned for India. I read only TOI on internet, watched only Indian movies, and continuously yearned for Indian Television. Any Indian looking person that met on the road was greeted with a warm enthusiasm with me. I would initiate conversation with any Indian looking person (be it a Pakistani or a Sri Lankan), and talk nostalgically about the things “back home”, and how I was stuck in this alien land, without any job. I would enthusiastically talk about my plans of going back to India in within a year, as I was not happy here

But now, with a stable job, and a steady life, I never know when my thoughts crossed the line. Now it seems highly unlikely, that I would settle down back in India. Surfing the website of TOI is now just a routine habit, and the news are glanced rather than read, and most of the news hardly excites me, as it hardly affects my routine life. And now, as I live in a city that is largely populated by people of Indian origin, any Indian on road or in bus is just another immigrant, who might be sharing a similar story like me.

At same time, I have taken starting an active interest in the Canadian political scene, be it a provincial one or federal. CBC National is becoming a habit. I need to glance through the headlines of news paper lying on the front porch, as I make my way to the car to start the day. I am as much interested in what Jean Chrétien (or Paul Martin) has to say, as I am interested about Vajpayee’s Policy. I can treat Dalton McGuinty & Narendra Modi with equanimity. My frustration is equal, whether Dalton McGuinty turns away from his election promises, or Narendra Modi takes a decision, with which I do not agree. Perhaps, the political scene of Canada impacts my present life; political scene in India impacts my emotional ties. I still cannot say Jean Chrétien as “Our Prime Minister”. It is still Vajpayee.

Getting information on Highway Traffic or mercury level is now something like a necessity. I hate snow as equally as any other Canadian, while waiting for spring to arrive. But when it comes to going to a sunny place, my mind thinks of Goa rather than Florida, Abu rather than Cancun.

Now, I hardly watch Zee TV. “Simpsons” has become an addiction – a show that needs to be watched 5 times a day. And any new Hollywood release is eagerly awaited, and weekend is the time to indulge in that activity. But still, that does not make me any less interested in what is going on in Bollywood every week. I still eagerly wait for Friday, to read the reviews of newly released movies in India. Glimpses of cricket on TV always excite me, and I always change the channel when baseball, American football, basketball or ice-hockey shows up on TV. They just irritate me.

My day still starts with the Hindi radio on AM 530. My morning seems incomplete without hearing sweet voice of Lata Mangeshkar. I still drink the “masala chai”. I can never adjust to a Tim Hortons coffee in early morning. Having a donut or a muffin with orange juice can never be a habit for me. I still yearn for “Gaanthiyaas” and “Fafdaas” in early morning. My lunch box still has Indian food. Everything about me is 100% Indian.

And as days pass by, I become more and more Canadian, but in no way, I can rub away the “Indianness” from me. And I do not want to. Because that is what I represent, that is what I am, and that is what I am proud of. An Indian living in Canada.

Hi Meghal,

Excellent post.

I have no word to say because what I have, you already said.

This is called 'Adjustment in Life' but for what ? Everybody has its own reasons.

May be main reason is 1 to ka 35.

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Kap

Why do't you try to do what Canadians do?Maybe then you maybe able to integrate more with their culture and Canadianness!
You try to isolate yourself more and more and become a member of Indian communities and all Indian,but can Canadians do such things?
No,they are infact most welcome and 'tolerate' this Indian behaviour and style of living which would otherwise be outrightly rejected by beef ,fish and pork eaters.
Who would tolerate some (immigrant)people trying to build a 'mini-India'inside your very own country?Or a mini-Pakistan or forcing Islamic laws on other Asians,especiaaly Indians?
We must repect, appreciate and even tolerate them for what they are doing and done for us,especially those willing to settle in Canada.
Also,the basic question here is if you feel yourself too much of an Indian and cannot accept or unwilling to share the WEST world's views,who told you to go there in the first place?
You could have tried Mauritius, Singapore or Srilanka even(where most Indians are!)
"Manzeelain Aur Bhi Bahut Hai,Sirf Ek Raah Ki Zaroorat Hai!"

CAPRICO

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MJ

Quote:

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Orginally posted by CAPRICO

Why do't you try to do what Canadians do?Maybe then you maybe able to integrate more with their culture and Canadianness!
You try to isolate yourself more and more and become a member of Indian communities and all Indian,but can Canadians do such things?
No,they are infact most welcome and 'tolerate' this Indian behaviour and style of living which would otherwise be outrightly rejected by beef ,fish and pork eaters.
Who would tolerate some (immigrant)people trying to build a 'mini-India'inside your very own country?Or a mini-Pakistan or forcing Islamic laws on other Asians,especiaaly Indians?
We must repect, appreciate and even tolerate them for what they are doing and done for us,especially those willing to settle in Canada.
Also,the basic question here is if you feel yourself too much of an Indian and cannot accept or unwilling to share the WEST world's views,who told you to go there in the first place?
You could have tried Mauritius, Singapore or Srilanka even(where most Indians are!)
"Manzeelain Aur Bhi Bahut Hai,Sirf Ek Raah Ki Zaroorat Hai!"

CAPRICO

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Kap

Since this is a real site for realties of life,please accept that no white(as called) are as whites as SNOW!They are very fair in skin!
It is only that they are a bit more SENSITIVE to some issues which we are not and vice versa!Most are of Caucasian race ,Catholic or Roman Catholics,like Asians,Japanese or Europeans!
Will be seeing you soon in Canada HOPEFULLY with your blessings!

CAPRICO

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MJ

Meghal
It is not at all unusual to that we immigrants are not able to align ourselves with mainstream Canadian culture. That is quite natural and not at all unexpected and that holds true for all first generation immigrants, whether they are from India, or China or Italy or France or Guyana. It is only the generation that is exposed to this culture from childhood that over a period of time starts following the mainstream Canadian way of living, and even then not in all senses. Every ethnic community has retained its distinct flavours in some ways. So, don't fret! It is perfectly natural. Enjoy it!

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wisernow

Meghal,

Thanks for the exceptionally heartfelt post , your thoughts resonated with deep emotions hidden inside for many years. It beautifully reflects the feelings within all new immigrants who try to find their foothold in this foriegn , yet our new homeland. Everyone lives thru similar emotional roller coaster and with time we Canadianize. Some try to completely Canadianize, some only a little , but we all Canadianize.

Like most regular members on this forum, I always consider myself an indian from the very core, no matter which country I may live in or which passport i may carry. Indian values, education and most importantly the pride of my Indian identity will always be my most valued possessions.

While I was growing up in india, I always dreamt of a career overseas, to work among the best in my profession. By Almighty's grace and luck i could see that day some years back in US . While I should have been happy, ... i was not . On many days I would wake up asking myself , Why am I here ? away from my homeland, from my people, from my culture. I missed india dearly ( and bihar my home state) , i'd go miles to speak to a desi or a bihari desi , i'd yearn to listen to my dialect, and I still do.

When i restarted my life in Toronto this year , one thing which struck me about this great city was the flourishing sub-cultures and communities within the umbrella of Canadianism, and the unique Canadian tolerace for such sub-cultures. There are groups , and communities for many states in india and also for many other countries and their subcultures. Most people here are 2nd or 3rd generation immigrant tracing their roots somewhere else, but still call themselves Canadians.
I feel we can be like them too, while we must preserve and enjoy our Indian identities we must also adapt to the life here to merge with the mainstream and not stand out in the crowd. Our Ministers in federal and state govt , MPs and even indians in corporate world are an example how well tolerated indians are. We all may say that indians are more successful in US, but tell me why not a single indian is there in houses of power in any other country as we have here in Canada.

Now how to Canadianize, without compromising on our values, our passion for indian things ? The fact is , it is hard but can be done.

One can make the best of the opportunities this city offers, celebrate all festivals, go to any place of worship, , play cricket with desis, enjoy ganna ka juice and sit outside in summers listening to indian songs till late at night on gerrard , go for a desi flick and enjoy gol gappas....and still say in self pity "i miss india "...

What happens in india will always remain an emotional news interest, chuckle at Laloo's latest antics, take pride in the news of growth back home ...it is all a part of the great immigrant experience.

The uniqie thing about this experience is that only "we", as first immigrants will have the privilege to experience the best and worst of both worlds.
The pain of getting away from our land and the pain of resettlement could be the worst experience . But we also enjoy the best of both the worlds, when every small imrovement and success here gives a sense of pride and achievement ,and the fond memories of back home remain a prized posession to always fall back on . Our next generations here and the generations later on will grow up as Canadians of indian origin and will have only Canadian realities to relate to .

In that regard we are very lucky to have our hearts in India , while our minds work here.

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What can be imagined, can be achieved.