Losing values

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Member since: Nov 03
Posts: 21
Location: Brampton

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 27-11-05 04:32:48

Thanks Manasvi for understanding the topic and also the concern. I have a small kid of 2 months and am concerned about his future. Just like any other father. Though I understand that lot of members will feel that why do I have to worry about his future. May be in Canada fathers do not worry about their kids. Well, I am not worried about his future just because I am his father. I am worried because when I look at his cute innocent face, I feel like doing every thing to make things better for him. And I know I am not the one who will at later stage expect him to do things for me according to my choice. He is the one I love and thus I will always find happiness in what ever will make him happy, provided it does not cause harm to anyone. Please try to look at the situation from the point of view of a father who feels that it is his moral responsibility to make his son a good human being and social responsibility to make him a good citizen.

I am also thankful to those also who posted comments even without understanding the contents of it. At least it gave a clear idea that people in general do not want to face such questions.

See, I am not saying that pre-marital sex is bad. I am also not saying that kids should live with their parents. It all depends on one’s situation and personal liking. Indian values are not all about having sex and living with parents. I am still in 20s and don’t really think that am too old to adopt a new cultural. Chandresh wants to change the name of this thread. No problems. Please do that. Keep any name that you like. I talked about Indian culture because I am an Indian. I don’t say that others do not have cultures to follow. Just that I am not aware of what they follow. Meghal thought that I have raised the same issue which some one has already discussed. I have gone through the link but that is about something else. And it is not our value to spit on roads. Please ........ I don’t want you guys to discuss whether our values are good or bad. Or whether others follow values or not

All that I expect from the fellow CDs is to talk about the ways to keep our kids associated with the values which have been given to us by our parents. This does not mean that I want to make our kids unfit for the society in which they are living.

I can quote an example here to make people understand my concern. If we stop speaking Hindi at all, then a child, who enters Canada say at the age of 6 months, will never know Hindi. As a result he will have to face real tough time whenever he visits India (for whatever duration). So in order to avoid such a situation, it is important that we keep him in touch with the language. Now my question here is that how do we do that? Speaking Hindi at home could be one way. Admitting him in a school where Hindi is taught as a subject could be another. But I am not sure whether we have such schools in Canada. What could be other ways? Hence, the question - How do you ensure that your kids remain in touch with the values or traditions that you have been following? (Obviously, when the kids grow up, it will be their decision whether to follow or not to follow these values / traditions.) What all have Indians done in Canada so far to help our kids remain in touch with our values and traditions.

I would request everyone to take the above topic in positive scenes even if I am sounding stupid. (Though this is not stupid, but emotional) Please do not jump to conclusions that I wish to maintain double standards. No, I am just concerned about the overall development of my small child. :)

Member since: May 04
Posts: 661
Location: in the heart of Mrs Saga

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 27-11-05 04:44:32

Deal With Reality or Reality Will Deal With You

Member since: Nov 03
Posts: 147
Location: Vancouver

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 27-11-05 05:19:43

Thanks Faisal, the links are quite interesting. But I am discussing even beyond that.

The question is simple. \"What efforts have we put in for our kids in Canada.\"

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; The fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

Member since: Sep 03
Posts: 733
Location: Bahrain

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 27-11-05 05:23:46

I think its quite a valid topic & I more than sure that people here wud like 2 dscs it maturely. As Malgudi Days has succinctly distinguished b/w enjoyment & peace I feel we should (only if we wish 2 ) lead a professional life which shd b culturally homogenous and personal life which can b with in r own like minded cross section of the society .

Though no thumb rule but chances are that Indians wud get more @ rapport with fellow Indians due 2 ethinicity and values . However we shd not make it a mini India as we shd also learn 2 respect others' culture as much as v respect r own . And then pick up good values (good here being relative) from other cultures' like politeness and courtesy.

I feel social gatherings / get to gethers can be instrumental in getting 2 know more of the Indian community as much as going to places of worship.

We shd practice r cultures - when I came 2 Middle East I found lesser no. of ppl celebrating Diwali and I also lost the spirits - till I came across our neighbour 2 yrs back and she said 'its 4 us 2 maintain r festivals and culture irrespective of others ' since then I religiously celebrate all festive occassions........ If we lay back on these then the children wudnt even know abt them as they grow up.

Amar Chitra Katha can be a good animated source for children 2 learn rich Indian mythology and learn more abt India. Anant Pai has done a wonderful job by conceiving the series .

These are just a few suggestions that I can think presently. I shall add on more as they come 2 my mind.


PS : Our culture may be having some bad things also like casteism - Im sure we wud wish 2 avoid them.

Member since: Mar 03
Posts: 2606
Location: Toronto

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 28-11-05 13:54:22

Sonusingh, Manasvi and Indian,

What I find interesting is that none of you have anwered a very simple question which both Jake and I had put forward - what according to you is Indian values.

I particularly would like to definitely contribute to this discussion - but would want a simple answer to roll on the discussion. For I am sure that most of the things you might say are Indian values will actually be Human values, good with any culture, race, country etc. etc. and they cannot be put only as Indian values. Yes, there are quite a few things which will be unique as Indian values, or traditions, but then the original poster and his supporters should first define (and be clear themselves)what THEY mean as Indian values.



Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!

Member since: Mar 03
Posts: 2606
Location: Toronto

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 28-11-05 13:57:27

Orginally posted by sonusingh

do not loose the values for which Indian are famous for.

Famous amongst whom? Indians?

Or you meant infamous?



Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!

Member since: Sep 03
Posts: 733
Location: Bahrain

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-11-05 07:17:37

Orginally posted by chandresh

For I am sure that most of the things you might say are Indian values will actually be Human values, good with any culture, race, country etc. etc. and they cannot be put only as Indian values. Yes, there are quite a few things which will be unique as Indian values, or traditions, but then the original poster and his supporters should first define (and be clear themselves)what THEY mean as Indian values.


You are right Chandresh ,

Most of the good values wud b ideally present in all cultures like politeness, courtesy (though as u may observe Indians dont use a lot of please and sorry ) but there wud b distinct values which u may find predominantly in a particular race .

Stirring a chain of thoughts I wud like 2 note down what I feel are more of Indian habits in contrast 2 the Western / Canadians . Culture wud be a still bigger arena in which ur habits , way of life , celebrations , roots , origin come in .

By & large I find the following as being different and worth retention in Indians : These may not necassarily be my views but are based on my understanding of a majority of Indians ( & not exceptions)

1. Respecting elders & retaining family values : Parents dont mind rearing their children till 23- 24 - 26 so as they are well settled and dont waste their time in odd jobs which dont add 2 their career . Unlike this in the West children feel and wish 2 b independent as soon as they grow out of their teens . The bond weakens . At the same time though more families are becoming nuclear but respect for elders is still a taken for granted trait where a child is thankful 2 a parent for hitting him when he was immature and setting him on the right track rather than calling the police.

2. Pre & extra marital sex : Raging topic Im sure - Indians consider it as taboo & prohibitive practice as its difficult for all society 2 accept it - esp ur prospective spouse who may not have been liberal . As per a recent DUREX sirvey Indians had the least sex partners (2-3) against a world average of 9 . Clearly an indicator of more stable family life. During my recent Europe trip - London, Paris , Rome ,Madrid - I found young ppl openly kissing in public transport - which wud be unacceptable in India - and I wondered what effect such public acts b having on the young minds .

3. Multiple marriages / divorce : Indians by and large and still consider divorce not as an option . This helps in increasing the tolerance levels and retaining the family unlike the West where remarriage is always an open option . An Indian wud be awed by a couple having 5 kids - 2 each from either spouse's earlier marriages and 1 4m their own ......... And Shobha De/Protima Bedi are an exceptional socialites who do not represent India .

4. Male dominance and woman supression may be the -ve factors of Indian culture . Though with passing of time we are seeing more and more women colleagues but supression remains which is not good .

5. Politeness and courtesy are largely missing from Indians as much as is a habit of being honest and doing things professionally . We tend 2 b corrupt and find out wrong means of accomplishment which is much lesser in the West .Similarly we dont have a habit of saying Thank You and please and ......... instant eg is the traffic scene in India v/s abroad .

These may only b the starting points but the idea is that certain basic human tendencies which may be acceptable in the West may be a strict no as per Indian standards ............. I think these are what I wud like 2 terms as Indian values / customs / culture . We should retain the good ones in our children and make them accept the good ones from others.


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