Raising children in Canada - Good or Bad ?
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Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 29-03-06 01:34:14
Quote:
Originally posted by tamilkuravan
My game plan is this : Raise my daughter in Canada till 5 years of age and send her to india to be raised by relatives, friends etc... The exchange rate will provide for her comfortable study and i can discipline her better in India. I will send her to famous residential public school. when she is 18 and above, then she can come to Canada and exploit the facilities given by the govt.. (she is a Canadian by birth and hence she has the right).
i see no use bringing up my daughter here. she will have no tamil friends for the rest of her life , if she is brought up in Canada.
The last part of the radio show which asked you no to have children was not a mature decision at all. Children are the Canadian CPP/ OAS/ RRSP/RIF to parents in their old age. Recently i became a consultant so that i can send some money to my parents who provided everything for me. You need to have children but you also need to have brains to raise them properly. A poorly brought up child can be the Canadian Tax to you, rather than to enhance your life. Children are a joy for parents and families and you canot afford to loose it. If you canot afford to have children in Canada, move to a country where you can afford to have them.
TK
Why have children if you dont want to raise them yourself?
Whats wrong with not having Tamil friends? do you want to choose your daughters friends ? isnt it her life? Wont it be better to raise a good human being? To teach her that all people are equal? that all people can be 'friends'?
You talk in the final paragraph of children like they are investments. I hope you are being sarcastic. You are living in a sense of guilt and obligation to ur parents but dont want to keep ur daughter. Your obligation is first to ur daughter not ur parents.
I dont mean to be harsh..but I dont understand your views.
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~ Morning rain
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 29-03-06 01:37:41
Quote:
Originally posted by picaso
Beating kids is not a good idea. Educated parents would only do that (that would in a form of something like slap and definitely not a Kick) to vent off their anger / frustation and I believe this would help ease the situation temporarily because the poor child would get drained of all his tears and get exhausted & give up. However this cannot happen too often. You have to understand a child & if you still can't, there are special doctors who would help you.
Picaso:
I agree with your first statement. Hitting children to vent ur own anger is WRONG. Why would a parent allow their child to control them like that? in other words..why does what ur child do control ur emotions? You can pretend ur angry.. but not be angry. Secondly, the child will learn to fear you. Wont that damage ur relationship to them? will they feel comfortable telling u their feelings? Are you teaching them its not ok to be angry sometimes.. tell them 'yes its not fair.life is not fair'.
I agree with you that you have to try to understand the child.
Counselling can help.
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~ Morning rain
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 29-03-06 01:43:45
Quote:
Originally posted by jasmeek
We have no kids yet .
We respect our parents so much that we can do anything for them but you tell me
Kids who grow up here can do this for us ;NEVER ....
I know people will say now that its totally up to you how you teach your children
abt your culture,respecting elders etc etc...
But this canadian culture will effect on them no matter what ..
And we are not planning our kids till go to India and settle there...
I think every one who is living here becoz of kids is a stupidity,They are sacrificing every moment of their life for them and ask your children will they do this sacrifice for their parents?Will they go to India :No, never!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my case - I have grown up here in canada and I do respect my parents.
I would do almost anything for my parents. I disagree with your views that kids who grow up here wont do anything for their parents.
I also disagree that canadians do not respect their elders.
OF course canadian culture will affect ur kids .. the environment they grow up will affect them first and foremost. If you show respect in ur household..they will learn that regardless.
Your last point is interesting. How many people expect in their old age to have their children move to India? Is that the measure of a 'good child'? Do you measure a good child to be the one that acts like ur puppet?
Sorry for the harshness too..but I think you are expecting quite a lot from ur kids. They did not ask to be born. They dont owe u because you CHOSE to raise them and educate them. You should do that out of love. Love does not expect. If you want to be taken care of in old age..get a good retirement savings plan.
Im not being sarcastic. Im saying be realistic.
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~ Morning rain
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 29-03-06 01:49:35
Quote:
Originally posted by tamilkuravan
Yes. i agree that in Canada, children laws were written to safe guard children but for tamilians like me , they donot match my cultural laws.
I will use my discretion to discipline my child and i donot want any Canadian law to hinder my judgement. If my child, grows up respecting Canadian law and my culture, then there is no problem but if she takes advantage of the Canadian children law then all problems arise.
Anyway, i donot want to take any risk in this. At the age of 5 or 6 , she will be packed to india and if necessary, i will also go with her.
TK
What cultural laws do Tamilians have that allow child abuse?
What is the 'canadian children's law' ?
Though your child is ur business.. I still cant help but feel sorry for her. You dont trust your own daughter..who is yet to be a 1 year old..because you dont trust your own parenting ability.
Its easier to throw her to someone else to raise.. then to do the nitty gritty urself.
Though u profess to respect ur parents and elders and ancestors so much.. you are giving them a burden..ur child to raise..when they are at the stage of their life of grandparenthood..to spoil and enjoy their grandkids..not be the parents/disciplinarians. Its not THEIR job..its YOURs.
Sorry If you write ur ideas about parenting and sending ur daughter back to India like she's nothing but a burden..then expect to hear about it. Especially from a Social worker.
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~ Morning rain
Is this the same Indian culture in which kids are raised in India to be future rapist ( Delhi incident,policemen ) , Bride burners, Dowry killers , Bribe acceptors etc etc the list goes on and on.
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You know you are a desi when ........ You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there...............You've never had a tanning salon membership
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 29-03-06 12:18:58
MR,
What i said regarding bringing up of child canot be constituted of child abuse. I am of the opinion of using mild force from time to time.
What is the use of raising your child in such a spoilt society. We see children speaking the 4 lettter word from age 6 (yes. i heard a indian boy say that. he learnt it not from school but from his day care).
Tamil culture is :
1. Child being taught the family heritage by grand parents and relatives.
2. All people in the society watch the child.
3. Ability to play outside 24/365
4. Not exposed to sex predators at school or play.
5. ability to punish a sex predator if found.
6. love of people (not nessesarily your parents)
7. Strong education
8. access to medical and dental facilities in 5 mins. waiting time
9. cultural activities as bharathanatiyam
10. low cost to bring up the child.
Tamil culture is not :
1. father and mother educated professionally and doing labour job.
2. working 10-12 hrs. a day and not knowing when you will be fired.
3. children are abusive in schools and speak all kind of bad words.
4. being in cold 8 months a year
5. Medical care being not good at all
6. if child is not in good mood and calls 911, then parents are in soup.
7. too many sex predtors in the city
8. no relatives or grandparents near by.
9. when the child decides who to marry.
10. when the child decides to do or not do drugs.
11. who the child decides to date
12. when the child decides to leave parents at age 18
13. when the child decides not to love his/ her parents nor support parents
14. when the child decides what to study
15. when the child decides his or her friends
16. the govt. does not educate you freely or atleast subsidise your education (post sec.) even if you are the cleverest.
17. use a calculator to find 2+2
TK
Sidenote : Sankaracharya, you are a person from my culture and language. does what i say make sense to you? have you ever thought in the same way that i have thought?
Also JRF, your views will be appriciated.
Sidenote 2 : My wife agrees on all the points except leaving the child to be taken care of by relatives/ grand parents
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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
Quote:
Originally posted by morning_rain
IF they get poor grades or behave inappropriately .. ground them. Make the punishment fit the crime. Every action should have consequences. If they threaten to call 911 say OK.. then explain to them what happens and what foster care..courts..social workers are like and how their friends will know. In essence, CALL THEIR BLUFF.
Thanks for this pointer. I've not been in this position yet, but I'm raising head strong kids (wonder where they get it from
). It sure helps to have the perspective of someone who grew up here, if I ever need it (hopefully I wont).I also commend you for your patience on this thread.
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