This has been the most meaningful thread so far. All the replies are very touching.

1) Not a day goes by without thinking of the parents we have left behind, especially if all the siblings are abroad. The sad part is, parents are forced to fall back on friends, relatives, office colleagues etc. for help. It's more of a forced socialization on their part due to the circumstances.

2) It is a fact that the first immigrant generation always makes a sacrifice one up and one down. Sometimes, I envy the completely uprooted immigrants like Sri Lankans who have no qualms about going back. Their entire families immigrate here thus providing the support system.

3) There have been days that I have been tempted to chuck everything and move back to stay with parents for as long as they live and come back to Canada after their passing.

4) The problem becomes more acute when one parent passes away and leaves the other one behind. Yes, I do dread that one phone call from India which might happen tomorrow or in the next few years.

What we can do is, CD’s hailing from the same cities should band together and pool our ideas together. E.g. is there an association which takes care of older parents if not, can we form one to bring all the parents under one umbrella where they support each other, are there resources we can pool in and hire staff to keep their lives comfortable etc.

I am from bangalore and i would love to talk to CD's from bangalore in this regard.

Thanks

Sri.

AjaxDesi,
I am moving to Bengaluru. Hence message me with your contact details.
Peace

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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.

There are choices we have to make and there are costs associated with a choice we take !!

I would have been very happy being in my home town today in all these 13 years that I have been out being with my parents and familiar people all around ... but I am happier today having achieved much more than what I could have done then ..... and living in frustration .

Its a circle of life ... there are things you can change and there are that you cannot .... Like it or not , your parents would not stay with you for a long time but your next generation and the next would get shaped by the choice you make today ..... When our parents were younger , they also might have decided for the next generation's benefit .

It is hard for parents to change or adapt to the new life style .....very difficult to uproot and relocate an old tree ..... Though being in India , they would certainly miss us , but then this is a fact they would understand and come to terms with and still be happy that their children are doing good ........ Plus they still have the surroundings and the culture and acquaintances ...

Don't feel guilty . This is a common feature in India also .... children are is in a far away city and cannot possibly see parents frequently ....

What we can do how ever is to try and make their life more comfortable .. which is a more tedious job in India .... like finding a driver who can drive them around , perhaps a cook / servant who can take care of daily chores ...... Now finding an honest one in today's India is a task ... especially for aging parents .....

I would certainly wish to take advice from CD s on steps to how to get an honest servant / driver / cook in India ? What steps to take ..... and how much to budget for it in Tier 1 / Tier 2 cities ??

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Fido.

I forgot to mention that we skype every Sunday and I am sure thanks to the technology this keeps us together much more than not having to see each other for years ..... On my last visit , I had taken a laptop , got an internet connection and set them up with Skype ...

Call them frequently , talk with them , Skype with them are a couple of things we can do to be closer to them and comfort both ourselves and them ...

Every time my mother dissuades me from not spending money in talking with them for a long time , I respond back that this is perhaps the best usage and return I can get out of money and it is an opportunity and not in any way a cost !!

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Fido.

Thanks TK and Fido for your inputs.

Parents live in sahakarnagar(east of bangalore, towards yelahanka).

As Fido said, the kind of help our parents need will be on the below lines:

A) Have a driver who can take them around, cook occasionally , househelp for daily chores etc.

solution: It can be one person who can do a combination of all things above. A group of parents can maintain and pay for the services of few such individuals.

B) Parents staying in the same area can arrange get togethers and meet to discuss often. Knowing that their children live in the same city in canada will be very reassuring.

C) Arrange hospital visits as needed.

TK: Not to derail this thread but If you are upto it, here's an excellent business opportunity that focuses on elder care in india. A company which will provide all the above facilities on a pay-per use or monthly basis and there will be NRI's like me who will be willing to pay for these services.

regards

Sri.

Sri:
Thanks for the message. I am not looking into elder care and stuff like that as my profession currently pays me more than 20 times what I can expect in such ventures. I was more thinking of a social helping without any money involvement.
If you look at NRI blogs, there are already things that are happening as you said in B'lore and other major metro's.
You should not forget that there was a steady stream of software engineers from the late 90's into USA and they are pumping money like anything into senior care for their parents in b'lore. All the services that you require are available in B'lore.Just google for info.. If you have money, then all this canbe handled through phone calls and mails.
But you are missing the big picture. That is the second stage of the problem. Your parents start missing you (as a face to face contact) and fall into depression. That is where the real problem starts. I am not sure if you know that a significant number of software engineers have relocated to b'lore just to take care of their parents.It is not a new phenonenon.
There is another aspect to it. Not all CD's are in IT and those not in IT donot have much money to throw away. The main problem is for those kind of people. $ 500 saving in Canada is a big saving to Non IT people in Cananda and even if you send all the money to India, it works out to Rs.25,000. It is a decent money in tier 3 cities but not in Tier 2 and Tier -1 cities. Just see the CD discussion where CD's said it will take lakhs in case you are hospitalized in India (Hip breaking, fracture,Heart attack, stroke etc...).

Peace

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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.

To all contributors (sorry for not naming), thanks for reply.

- Like many other parents, our parents are mobile up until now, drive their own two wheelers and lucky to have part time drivers around to haul them when they need to go around. At the worst case, call taxi's are just a dial away to engage.

Its really the personal touch they seem to be losing (is it really a mirage), and trust they could be thinking or being influenced by the environment of having been dumped by the kids.

The materialistic support including.

- House
- Transport.
- Domestic help.
- Healthcare (financial perspective).
- Contacts.

All this could be arranged but the emotional part is what goes dangling.....

How bad it would hurt to take a 10 years break from Canada. I know predictions do not hold good for more than couple of years.... but thinking doesn't stop.

I am in touch with few very elderly parents who (have done pretty good jobs in life) but now all they want seem to be the family environment, and these are the very same people time to time push me to re-evaluate my stand on continuing in foreign land.

Every week, we find some of our known folks are dumping US and leave to Canada after acquiring OCI, but it is uncommon in Canada, at least in my social circle here....thso..thso...

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The cowards never started,
The weak died on the way,
Only the strong arrived.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yK1i9cLAMM