I know parenting a big issue in this country,,, specially family with the both parents working. But for our families Parenting our parents is another big and delicate issue. I am not against having our parents over here (My parents are here as well), but it is very hard for them to adjust with this Whether, Life style, Culture etc...

Please put your views and feedback on how to take care of parents???

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Cheers!!!!!!!

Live in desi areas.

This is very sensitive point.

Parents living in India always likes to stay with their son/daughter overseas. When they come once here in North America (or any developed country) they like it for first few days and then it becomes Jail for them!

I called my father couple of years ago, (my mother passed 8 years ago) on visitor visa first. It was right move I think.

He stayed here for four months and looked at western life closely. He still like to come back, but only as a visitor. Staying here permenantly is our of question.

As gujju mentioned there are many points going against elderly people.

The first one is - everyone is doing job, so for them, to look after home is becoming responsibility, they like it or not. In typical India mentality where elderly people doesn't have to do anything and all services are ready by asking, it will be very difficult to adjust here. Here husband have to work hand-to-hand with wife. and when a parents of husband first time sees this they will realise that "vahoo" is forcing my son to do
"gharkam".

It is not their fault but it is our culture. Have you imagined the work you are doing here ever when you were at India?

The second is - neighbours - they don't exisits. However if you live in desi area - you will see many of them. Just walk around all desi buildings and crowed of desi uncles and aunties sitting in parks. But this is limited only during summer. In winter we have good places like temple so it would not be that difficult, but still a point to note.

The third is - snow.

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A Proud Indian Canadian

well, as far as the oldies are concerned, it varies from family to family. That way, I am quite lucky.
My parents have been living with me for last 2 yrs. Our families have settled abroad(US,Can,Europe) since 1960s and my father just visited all his life but never settled in west. My parents knew exactly what they'll be looking forward to before making a move. No doubt, they miss their temples, friends and other social and religious activities BUT on other hand they have their son's full support (especially when they are not well)
and spend time with grandchildren, teach'em gujarati, etc... In mississauga, we have a big swaminarayan group and they have satsang every saturday. Ride is not a problem for my dad. I take them to temples as n when they want. Moreover, our relatives in US come over quite often. They call their relatives in US & England whole day long. It costs peanuts. But it makes them happy.
My parents are accompanying us for vacationing in England this month!!

As I said...it varies. Some oldies I know are very stubborn.....they do not like to be self dependent, do not want to compromise and adopt western ways of life. This makes our life very difficult and causes lots of grief.

Sensitive topic indeed.

Both parents and us have to be really understanding for this to work. The problem scenarios I see are

1) Their social circle and lifestyle in India is great and they have a lot of friends. In this scenario, it is a big mistake to call them here, much better if they visit once every couple of years. No matter how good life is here, it will never emulate life in India for them.

2) Both are very fragile healthwise. In this case, it is torture to make them endure the Canadian winter, they're so much better off in India if there's someone there to take care of them. On the other hand, if there isn't, then the free healthcare here is a big incentive.

3) Both parents are very stubborn and rigid. The cultural and economic demands of life here require them to be flexible. Besides helping around, they have to accept the fact that the vahoo also has much more freedom and their son might end up doing some housework.

4) The son or bahu don't really care about their parents, they just want them here for babysitting and housework. This is a nightmare scenario for the poor parents who are completely dependent. I have seen such cases and it is truly pathetic how low people will stoop in order to save a few dollars.

If both the parents and the kids are mature, understanding and sympathetic towards eachothers needs, then life can be heaven here. Growing up in a joint family was so much more fun.

Eventually if there are enough of us here, we can start a Parents Social Club or something where our parents can meet and get to know eachother socially. I think if they find good company here, then they would be happy.

In the end, if you can afford it financially, it is best to leave the decision to the parents. Call them here, let them live for a while and then let them make an informed decision. They made so many sacrifices for us, we can at least do this for them.

My two cents.

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Are you there?

when i go in the nearest play park with kids, i do feel great to see the elderlies around, also i hear, that summer is the only time, they can socialize, have a walk, etc...in markham there are hundreds of seniors relying on a ride (or their kids to come home )to go to temple or to socialize anywhere...it will be the best if we get together and arrange for a community place room where they can meet at a specific time ..to lighten thier winter time..

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kathiawadi