A good friend of mine who has a family came over to discuss something that has kept me thinking a lot. He says he has feelings for another woman, who is not married. My friend is in his late 40s, south indian, with the usual arranged marriage. The lady in question, according to him, is in her late 30s, north indian Canadian. He says he is confused what to do. They are talking, exchanging emails in the office. That's all. His wife and kid (pre teen) know the lady through a spiritual/religious outfit. I told him not to get involved, even being a good friend with her. Who knows what it could lead to down the road. I never asked him about his relationship with his wife as its not my business. I know them well. I could make out from his voice that it was not the answer he wanted to hear from me.

CDs, weigh in your opinion. May be as a friend, I am looking from a different perspective.

KM

The forbidden fruit or the 7 year itch ... What ever it is , it depends on how your friend views it .... may be he does not mind having an extra marital affair , but he should give a thought as to what to explain to his family , in case it is known to them ...

I recall that scene from 'The Unfaithful ' ... Diane Lane being told by a friend who shows her , her slashed wrist .... ' Trust me , it always ends in a tragedy ' ...

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Fido.

It would be better for everybody involved (your friend, his family and his friend) if he keeps out of his friend and even come out of this friendship.

These things normally result in ruined family relationships and his actions and resultant guilt would haunt him for a long long time.

Just my two cents, though I am not offering any different perspective.

The lady is unmarried (late 30's), suggest your friend to be a true friend of that lady, try finding a good match for her....it sounds impossible but you can ask him to probe why she never got married and help her find something suitable....make sure he doesn't think that "SUITABLE" is he himself! Jokes apart it can ruin the his marriage, just think of the wife and the kids.

Jona

Feelings for another woman is not cheating- I have feelings for Cameron Diaz and Sandra Bullock- that ain't cheating.
Now I am getting the hots for Marge Simpson!

chk this out!

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/40203972.html

please take this post with a grain of salt- it's meant to put a smile on lips!

I know such things are beyond our control but still, we have to control such feeling getting out of control. That is why we are human being with brain and not animal. If you overcome such feelings first time, good for you or else it is like entering into underworld where you can only enter and if you wish to get out, you won't be able to.

I hope you get the message.One should never be weak and let heart rule brain.when you are a family man and head of the family, all the other members of your family comes under your protection and it is your duty not to hurt them.

I will help you to overcome this feeling just by asking you that, if your wife were in your shoes or if your daughter when she grows up gets involved with a married man then what would you do or she stays as mistress with somebody or she becomes single mother?

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The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
Mahatma Gandhi

I know such things are beyond our control but still, we have to control such feeling getting out of control. That is why we are human being with brain and not animal. If you overcome such feelings first time, good for you or else it is like entering into underworld where you can only enter and if you wish to get out, you won't be able to.

I hope you get the message.One should never be weak and let heart rule brain.when you are a family man and head of the family, all the other members of your family comes under your protection and it is your duty not to hurt them.

I will help you to overcome this feeling just by asking you that, if your wife were in your shoes or if your daughter when she grows up gets involved with a married man then what would you do or she stays as mistress with somebody or she becomes single mother?

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Totally agree with you.
OP, I think you should advise your friend to not to go in this kind of relationship by explaining him it will not only ruin his family life but the life of the girl whom he likes.
I know, we are in Canada and people do not like to be advised but true friend always is a well wisher.
You should explain him if he really like this girl, should think good about her.
If he truly loves her; why she needs to be her girlfriend/wife?
why can't be his sister/daughter? Love should be free of these names.
If he really wants to do something for her, he should do with his family so this way he will feel proud not guilty to both of them.
I know a friend of mine went thru the same situation. The guy after having 2 yrs relationship with another girl started ignoring this girl as he started realizing that its not correct.
This girl on the other hand went too deep/truthful to this guy in the relationship and has opinion that this guy betrayed him on the name of love.
The guy feels as he is culprit of his wife and this girl.
This girl thinks, he ruined his life and is crying/dying everyday.
I am trying to help them and pray to God to give them strength.
we can only advise because I agree, "Dil ke aage bahut log haar jaate hai".
So please do not remain quiet and help your friend who is in need.

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Saloni