Quote:
Originally posted by mkannuri
thanks frnd for the correction...the point is ...u got the point...lol...
Yes. I got your point that is why I differed on that and had to put it into my words.
Quote:
Originally posted by mkannuri
anyway i was taking this on easy note as this topic is not helping to any new immigrants.
I would not take this topic on easy note because OP is serious about knowing CDs thoughts and based on that his friend will get more points to think over.
Quote:
Originally posted by mkannuri
I dont think one would need an adivse on this as the decision is purely rely on the individual intentions/temptations.
We are not taking ‘Decision’ on behalf of him we are doing discussion which can help him take right decision.
Ok my dear frnd,
initially i thought of not responding to your post, but it looks like i need to clear few things as this thread is sidetracking.
1>what is there to discuss in this..i dont understand how would it benefit other CD's in this forum with such personal issues bringing here, where the decisions can be taken by the individuals according to their circumstances.
My analysis on this is simple..
a>If the OP is not happy in his marriage, then simply get over with it and start a new life/with new partner or stay single (i feel this is ethical)
b>If the OP is happy in his marriage, but he come across some other person in his life ..Under this situtationl the OP should decide what's his intentions
i>Is it a true love/past life connection/soul mate..bla bla..
then get out of his marriage and start new life with new partner and ofcourse face the liabilities of old partner and live happy untill another partner comes again in his life and the cycle goes (i feel this is unethical)
OR
ii>If its just midlife crisis/infactuation/lust/unexpected opportunity
then just leave it or go ahead with one night stand and come back to normal life with good/bad feeling about the whole episode.
There is nothing to be discussed here unless its complicated as i have seen some examples my self which are bit of complex as the heart struggles with head. even then OP can take a decision based on his character/morality
ex1>You got arranged marriage even after you had a love story and the past lover is back in to your life ........
ex2>You got arranged marriage, your past lover came into your life again with some pitty conditions(failed marriage or waiting for you for ever..bla..bla)
ex3>You are married and one rainy day you and you new partner had a moment and now she is pregnent and she is forcing you to declare as a father..bla bla)
there are endless situations in life and many more movies that came out with the possible outcomes...
hence its the OP that has to take a decision instead of discussing in public forums about his personal glitches.
I can simply shut my mouth...but could not stop myself as its not leading to any usefull informaiton to others and ontopofit it might lead to a wrong direction to the OP if more people suggested on thing.
well let me leave this here and hope the OP will settle the issue peacefully.
cheers
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MK
deleted
Quote:
Originally posted by mkannuri
....what is there to discuss in this..i dont understand how would it benefit other CD's in this forum with such personal issues bringing here, where the decisions can be taken by the individuals according to their circumstances.
...but could not stop myself as its not leading to any usefull informaiton to others
Appreciate your thoughts MRK but please don’t decide if thread is leading to any useful information or not. Let's just everyone share their views, after all this is charcha.
My friend came straight from his work and read all the responses (while we were having beer). He was not at all amused. Then came the stunner! I asked him if he wanted to share her name with me if he was comfortable. He coolly said that I knew her. So I started scratching my head wondering who she was. Seeing my inability to think properly, he mentioned the name. I was shocked. This I never expected. We know her for more than five years. She’s a wonderful person and I have lot of respect for her. She has come to our place twice for tea , as I remember. My friend openly said that he has kept her very high on the pedestal above his wife. His eyes are wide open and sparkling when he talks about her. I have the feeling that he has fallen in love with her. I am not surprised. The lady is like that, very likable. Anyone knowing her will respect her. Somewhere in the back of mind I was thinking “great catch” but I know that’s not the right thing for him. I wasso shocked that I ddid not know what to tell him. I think he understood my predicament and left after a beer.
Looking back, I wish he had kept this to himself as its a private issue.
KM
Your friend might have fallen in love with that lady, but same may not be the case at the her end. It could be one way traffic, so no need to pull your hair unless you have the complete picture.
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 21-10-09 09:12:57
Quote:
Originally posted by KumarM
My friend came straight from his work and read all the responses (while we were having beer). He was not at all amused. Then came the stunner! I asked him if he wanted to share her name with me if he was comfortable. He coolly said that I knew her. So I started scratching my head wondering who she was. Seeing my inability to think properly, he mentioned the name. I was shocked. This I never expected. We know her for more than five years. She’s a wonderful person and I have lot of respect for her. She has come to our place twice for tea , as I remember. My friend openly said that he has kept her very high on the pedestal above his wife. His eyes are wide open and sparkling when he talks about her. I have the feeling that he has fallen in love with her. I am not surprised. The lady is like that, very likable. Anyone knowing her will respect her. Somewhere in the back of mind I was thinking “great catch” but I know that’s not the right thing for him. I wasso shocked that I ddid not know what to tell him. I think he understood my predicament and left after a beer.
Looking back, I wish he had kept this to himself as its a private issue.
KM
Your last few sentances in the above post seem as if you are judging him, rather than being a friend and supportive in his situation. Perhaps he would have been better off telling his problem to a less judgemental friend?
It must have been very hard for him to reveal this to you because you know the woman involved and you know his family. Obviously he really respects you and your opinion. As a friend, I believe you could have talked to him and asked him questions, like other posters suggested, probing about what is making him look elsewhere for affection and intimacy. Generally marital infidelity is more about intimacy than sex. Are he and his wife close? Are they happy in their marriage? Have they ever gone for counselling together?
He may not have told you this before, but you can ask him in the context of the conversation. Ask him what he wants to do and what his feelings are.
I realize its often hard for men to sit down and have talks about feelings (thats more a woman thing, if I may generalize) however as a friend, you could have done a lot more to be supportive to him. Thats what friends do. Even if you dont agree with it inside, dont show him that.
Its very normal to have feelings for other people after marriage. Thats human nature. Its what is acted on that could be a problem.
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~ Morning rain
