Posted on: 05-11-04 11:16:05
Hello! This one for the guyz,
Just out of curiosity, I would like to know how you men have coped with the IMM factor 
Kinda putting my hand in the Lion's mouth to see if he has teeth
as I belong to the minority on this forum.
Let me explain,
Be it any caste or religion, it is our Indian or rather South Asian culture, where the male member of the family is considered above the petty chores of day-to-day living. ' Jhara Pani Dena', Jhara joote dena, Jhara ye and Jhara woh!
The mother, the sister, the grandma and her ma and ultimately the wifey, follows that unwritten law....how can you expect your brother, father, taya, chacha, dada, pardada and blah.. to ever give you a glass of water, set the table, help u with breakfast etc. etc.!! Of course, this mentality is true with the older generation but a tiny percentage has filtered thru even in this age and time. Don’t tell me that such privileges were not accorded to you men, even if not consciously!
For those having unit families or having studied abroad, it is no big deal but those from joint / extended families, it must be something. The coy bride standing with the rumaal and mukhwas ki dibbi while the man of the house proceeds to his work (sic) makes the ma and pa- in- law swell with pride. Wah kya Bahu hain! That pipe dream gets ruthlessly shattered in the west.
So how does it feel to help doing the dishes, clothes, ironing, clean up the loos, hoovering, getting the kids ready for school and go to work. No Sakubai here!!
How long did it take to break the shackles? are they truly broken?? Do you still say” yeh mera kaam nahin hain” BE HONEST!
And what happens when your parents visit you and see you buttering the toast for your wife......is it ‘hai hai... mere bete ne kabhi ek chummach bhi nahin uthayi thi aur yahain to becharra tch..tch’.... To be prepared is one thing but to actually be in the situation must be tough......so lets hear it!
Acclimatizing plays, a major part in achieving success isn’t it.
Worship
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It is so simple to be happy but so difficult to be simple
Well you can say I have been different from the so called IMM - maily because my father was orphan at a young age and he grew up to be a successful man all by himself, and so he inculcated similar discipline in his children. He did not allow us to order anyone - at times not even the servent in the house since he said that that guy is not a servent, but a helper. So there was never jara joota lana or jara pani lana etc. On Sundays, it was a rule in our house that the chidren would do the actual cleaning in the house and the servents will be like helper to the person who is doing the actual cleaning.
So in our family children of both sexes learned similar things and were expected to do their own work - EXCEPT cooking (which was done by my mother or elder sister). So the boys learned to do their dishes and hand wash their own clothes, the girls learned to drive, and do various chores outside of the house like a man. I continued the same tradition when I got married, and also when had children. So when the day came when I was sitting at home and the wife started working, it was not difficult for me to switch roles for cooking too, and I learned it immediately. Well, I do not cook full meals always - but do it on occassions and at other times help in the kitchen.
And I am extremely grateful to my father who did not let us develop the IMM and for educating us to treat all human being as equal.
Chandresh
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Chandresh
Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!
Quote:
Orginally posted by chandresh
And I am extremely grateful to my father who did not let us develop the IMM and for educating us to treat all human being as equal.
Chandresh
Your Dad was a wise man. It feels wierd to hear desis talking about ''servants''.
The dictionary says that a ''servant'' is:
One who is privately employed to perform domestic services.
One who is publicly employed to perform services, as for a government.
One who expresses submission, recognizance, or debt to another: your obedient servant
Most affluent desis(unlike Chandreshs family) seem to use the term in the context of the last definition.
I am deviating from the topic to highlight a pet peeve
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Quote:
Orginally posted by jake3d
Quote:
Orginally posted by chandresh
And I am extremely grateful to my father who did not let us develop the IMM and for educating us to treat all human being as equal.
Chandresh
Your Dad was a wise man. It feels wierd to hear desis talking about ''servants''.
The dictionary says that a ''servant'' is:
One who is privately employed to perform domestic services.
One who is publicly employed to perform services, as for a government.
One who expresses submission, recognizance, or debt to another: your obedient servant
Most affluent desis(unlike Chandreshs family) seem to use the term in the context of the last definition.
I am deviating from the topic to highlight a pet peeve
Pardon my not being able to understand your remark Jake - could you elaborate on it.
And infact I had used the word 'servent' for lack of a better word to explain to the fellow desis who was I refering to. And in my case, the first definition will go since the specific employment was to perform domestic service - just as I was (seems once upon a time now - though it has been only three months) employed by companies to perform services in commercial organisation. However, since childhood and till date, I treat the domestic helpers as a human being like me, and to a elder helper or one who is younger but not a domestic helper in my family, I still call them 'aap' instead of 'tu' or 'tum', just as I would with any other member of my family or friends.
And in my eyes, to ask a domestic helper to shine your shoes, or a chaufer to drive and clean your car, or ask a VP finance to write accounting books manually is not wrong - since they are all employed for specific purposes and it is a part of a contract in which one party provides a service and the other compensates it either thru money or other means. However, to ask the female gender to do that work only because they are females is not right, unless there is a clear understanding between two individuals what is each person's responsibilty, and each performs that out of love and respect for the other/s in the family.
Chandresh
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Chandresh
Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!
Quote:
Orginally posted by chandresh
Pardon my not being able to understand your remark Jake - could you elaborate on it.
Chandresh
which remark did you not understand, Chandresh? I'll try to explain better. Perhaps...you are talking about a 'lack of a better word?' . I know your intesntions were honorable...thats why I made it clear that your family and you were unlike the people I was referring to.
BTW: I would not dare refer to a cleaning lady or maid in Canada my 'servant' even if they were my employees.
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Quote:
Orginally posted by worship
The mother, the sister, the grandma and her ma and ultimately the wifey, follows that unwritten law....
Don’t tell me that such privileges were not accorded to you men, even if not consciously!
The coy bride standing with the rumaal and mukhwas ki dibbi while the man of the house proceeds to his work (sic) makes the ma and pa- in- law swell with pride. Wah kya Bahu hain! That pipe dream gets ruthlessly shattered in the west.
Ahhaaaaaaaaa, my favourite topic. The so called "feminists" who think that men are the lowermost form of existence.
How much blame do you put on bride, who willingly does the "seva" of her pati. How much blame do you put on the need of emotional and financial security of a girl, that makes her forget all her education, forget all her independence, her job, leave everything and becomes a housewife.
How much blame do you put on a bride, who still in 21st century, practices karva chauth (Bollywood's favourite festival), fasts till sunset, and worships her husband
How much blame would you put on a girl, who forgets all her dreams and marries a guy and sacrifices her wishes and desires, without any objection. I think, modern Indian society does not put that much pressure on a girl to be a "pativrata naari".
How much blame do you put on the mothers, grandmothers and sisters, who pamper the guy?
How much blame do you put on the mother-in-law, who is equally responsible for all the dowry-related deaths in India.
I would really like to have an off-line debate with you on the entire "pseudo" feminist movement
Meghal
Quote:
Orginally posted by meghal
Ahhaaaaaaaaa, my favourite topic. The so called "feminists" who think that men are the lowermost form of existence.
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Wow! this is something.
I had not intented to start a debate on 'feminism'
Having a jaundiced approach makes one think that the world is yellow......that is definately not a reality.
You mention 'pseudo' feminism.....isn't that itself an MCP( u must be familiar with the term
Worship
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It is so simple to be happy but so difficult to be simple
