Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade
next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is
Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab. I am ringing to inform you
that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army"
"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire
kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm call ing from Phagwara STD, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army
to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four
school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes. My military complex is surro unded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my
army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of
lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"


************************************************************

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Ashish

Old Joke with a new style

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Microsoft - Which end of the stick do you want today?

Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2
eyes but
you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?
****************************

Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
brain. Please tell them your age!
*****************************

Mistakes are not crime......if you correct them they are the key of
success. FOR EXAMPLE....God created you ......He than created me.
*****************************

Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
***********************

Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.
Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahan
milta
hai.
****************************

Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
*************************

Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupa
de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.
********************

In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
*************************

INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
****************************

Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this.
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
***********************

Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
***********************

Two Sardars were walking together.
1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.
2nd Sardar: oye, main bhi ye hi bol raha tha.
**************************

PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai.
Khake dekho pata chal jayega.
***************************

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football evry night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.

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You know you are a desi when ........ You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there...............You've never had a tanning salon membership