Parents moving to India forever- Immigration Dilemma

Poll:Parents moving to India forever- Immigration Dilemma
Choice Stats
Should go to India and give up PR 67% (4)
Should stay here and get the PR 33% (2)


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Poll:Parents moving to India forever- Immigration Dilemma
Choice Stats
Should go to India and give up PR 67% (4)
Should stay here and get the PR 33% (2)

vivek901   
Member since: Nov 08
Posts: 220
Location: Canada

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 05-05-14 15:39:15

My Parents came to Canada for the first time in 2010 from Mumbai , India . They went back and I joined them as well except my brother who stayed back here. I also came in later in 2011 and now both me and my brother are settled and doing ok. We called our parents in 2012 so that they can come and stay with us and also renew the PR by staying for 2 years in Canada. But my mother has been unhappy here since she did not like the weather feels like a handicap here since she has to depend on us for going out etc. She also didn’t like the healthcare here and has been suffering a lot with cough and lack of sleep etc. Both me and my brother have shown her to doctors but it seems like the prompt and correct health care has not been provided. My father wants to stay here but since my mother cant go alone he has to go with her. I am feeling dejected today since I have tried my level best to make them stay here but she doesn’t budge. I don’t know what to do here and I don’t know if it’s a right thing that his happening. I want them to be with me and that is making me really dejected and sad. Any suggestions from you all to make them stay here or you all think this is the right thing that is happening. At this moment I am worried that one of them becomes alone and at that time if they don’t have PR it will be difficult for me to sponsor or go and stay with them. Lot of thoughts running into my head perhaps I am not able to accept this or I don’t know if what is happening is right or not.



dimple2001   
Member since: Apr 04
Posts: 2873
Location: Western Hemisphere

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 05-05-14 16:18:28

Live and let them live.

They are not happy here and you want to keep them here? Have you considered the possibility that even if one of them becomes alone, they would still be able to live an independent life, which they possibly can't, in Canada?

Let them be, and perhaps a few years down the road, you can re-visit the topic and see if there is a change of mind.


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Dimple2001


febpreet   
Member since: Jan 07
Posts: 3252
Location:

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 05-05-14 18:24:42

Same is happening to me as well. Parents immigrated last year. While Dad is fit to work (in early 60s), he hasn't found any success with the employment. Most of the jobs are in factories where they ask you to lift 25-50lbs. That's a big no-no. Gas station and Convenient store jobs are taken up by 'under the table' foreign students. He can't get a mainstream job for obvious reasons. Mom is ok and adjusted well, but Dad is not and get bored at home all day. I can see he longs for India.

So, they are planning to visit India coming winters and stay there for some time. I am in the same situation as you are, but need their happiness as well. Felt quite low for some time myself too, but then settled down. Found the middle path where they stay in India for sometime and then here. Difficult, utterly difficult.

What's sad is this. When we file for immigration, we only have one thought in mind and that is to immigrate, at any cost. All other aspects, i.e. to live a seperate and far-flung life away from your parents, brothers, sisters don't come into picture. Especially parents. It's only after a few years when such situations come along. That's when you realize it's just a lost game. One full life wasted, and few hearts broken.

Funny thing is when you let your cousins who want to immigrate as well, educate about this. They don't listen and accuse you of being a hurdle in their path. The cycle continues for them after a few years.

For my part, I am ready to move back to India so everybody lives together for life; and I get to enjoy the FULL family. However, becomes more complicated when you have your own family(spouse) - impossible/difficult to convince them 'happily'.



JRF   
Member since: Jul 04
Posts: 1853
Location: GTA, Ontario

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 05-05-14 19:28:27





Quote:
Originally posted by febpreet

Same is happening to me as well. Parents immigrated last year. While Dad is fit to work (in early 60s), he hasn't found any success with the employment. Most of the jobs are in factories where they ask you to lift 25-50lbs. That's a big no-no. Gas station and Convenient store jobs are taken up by 'under the table' foreign students. He can't get a mainstream job for obvious reasons. Mom is ok and adjusted well, but Dad is not and get bored at home all day. I can see he longs for India.

So, they are planning to visit India coming winters and stay there for some time. I am in the same situation as you are, but need their happiness as well. Felt quite low for some time myself too, but then settled down. Found the middle path where they stay in India for sometime and then here. Difficult, utterly difficult.

What's sad is this. When we file for immigration, we only have one thought in mind and that is to immigrate, at any cost. All other aspects, i.e. to live a seperate and far-flung life away from your parents, brothers, sisters don't come into picture. Especially parents. It's only after a few years when such situations come along. That's when you realize it's just a lost game. One full life wasted, and few hearts broken.

Funny thing is when you let your cousins who want to immigrate as well, educate about this. They don't listen and accuse you of being a hurdle in their path. The cycle continues for them after a few years.

For my part, I am ready to move back to India so everybody lives together for life; and I get to enjoy the FULL family. However, becomes more complicated when you have your own family(spouse) - impossible/difficult to convince them 'happily'.


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The cowards never started,
The weak died on the way,
Only the strong arrived.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yK1i9cLAMM


tamilkuravan   
Member since: Jun 05
Posts: 5775
Location: God's own country

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 06-05-14 05:55:14

Vivek:
All this is happening because you have not felt the pulse of Canada and have not translated it to help your parents.
Now what is your location? GTA or Halifax?
Next, what is your working hours? Are you alone or with a wife? Do you have children. Assuming that you and your spouse are working (and without a child), your parents stay at home from 8am-6pm by just watching TV. You can connect them with some other desi people or temple so that they can be active.

Regarding healthcare, yes, agreed that there is nothing much that you can do since this is first come first served basis.

Next comes the complicated part. Does your mother or father know or can they converse in English. If they can't, I would request you to please send them to India. That is the best that you can do, because you can never make them like Canada (unless they know English or unless they are punjabi). you will only be slowly tormenting them.

Assuming that they know English and can converse in English, then you can send them to community centres, food banks, IKEA breakfast areas for programmes. At lunch time, they can drop off at some soup kitchens for warm meals and kind words. Community centres have varied programes to help old people feel at home.

In short, you have not revealed personal family information and without it, it is impossible to advise you correctly. What ever we say is just a shot in the dark.

Murali Kirshna.


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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.


tamilkuravan   
Member since: Jun 05
Posts: 5775
Location: God's own country

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 06-05-14 06:01:19

Febpreeth,
Your situation is much more better than our Vivek.

I would suggest that your dad try to see the line of work that he was doing in India and try to do the same here.

Security job is one that he can hook on to. Esp. during panam games preparation, there is a lot of need for temp. security guard that can be translated into permanent positions later on.

Other areas that your dad can concentrate is :

1. Surveys- Universities conduct various surveys where they pay you up to $ 20 an hour and the time varies from 10 hours to 200 hours. While in Canada, I did gambling survey which got me $ 20 an hour for 30 hours and to top it, I got free cookies to munch on.

2. Try to get your dad on atleast 910 hours of EI work (by hook or crook). Once he has this, he can apply to second career where govt. will pay him up to $ 28,000 (never to pay back) for a course of his choice. This will boost his confidence as men in Canada can work even when they are in late 80's.

3. Try to get the GIS (Guraneteed income suppliment). this is a money given to seniors, totally free.

Hope this helps.

Murali Krishna


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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.


Gurram   
Member since: Jan 08
Posts: 1002
Location: Toronto

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 06-05-14 07:10:22

Relax guys ...

If your parents love (90% do) the place where they have spent major part of their life, let them live there only.... happily. They have all their memories there and they are independent there. They will be happier there then here even though you are not with them. You guys came here .... that is fine. Why you bring them here and create trouble for them also for you.

Let them visit you frequently till they have energy. Show them places and different parts of the world they have not seen ( If they like it... because some don't) You visit them at your home country frequently and try to spend more time. ( It is possible). You provide more comforts/services for them where they are living ( It doesn't matter even if hits your LOC or Credit Cards).

If you think you are really not doing good here, do not have children or your children not yet started their school ( up to primary is okay) life here and if you think you will be okay in your first home ..... then pack up and go.

Your growing up children ( 90%) never like to move there ( unless they are very small).

So..... if you have old parents in home country and growing up children in Canada .... then let your parents live in their place and let your children live in their place ( canada) and you travel, enjoy, manage, suffer between these two worlds ..... but it will not be for ever. Passage of time solves lot of problems.





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