Article#1

http://www.nriol.com/content/articles/article76.asp
Avijit Goswami from Pune

In a world where all actions have to be justified by hard logical reasoning, there is little room left for ambivalence or dilemma. This is especially true when it comes to NRIs wanting to return to India. The issue of whether to return has been debated and re-debated for years and very few, if any, have really found a general compelling reason one way or the other. This is because it is an extremely complex topic involving economical, cultural and emotional issues. By sharing my personal experience I hope to share some insights in to this complex issue.
There was a time when I, like all my friends in IIT, dreamt of going to the States for higher education, getting a lucrative job and eventually living the so-called American dream. This was 1988. The way to go was to apply to a university. I got in and by August '88 was ready to leave. Very few asked why I was going. The reasons to go were considered perfectly rational - good education, good jobs and a good standard of living - so obvious that they were not even worth asking. No dilemmas.

Like all first generation immigrants, I encountered the usual roadblocks to adjusting in a new country - financial, emotional and cultural. A meager scholarship had to be used for tuition, rent, food as well as once-a-year trip back home. It was hard but there were several people like me and somehow, we all managed to survive. And eventually thrive as we all ended up with good jobs. The emotional adjustment was relatively easier as we got over the initial homesickness. However, the cultural adjustment was a much longer one and ultimately there were very few who was truly at ease with the American culture. The cultural gap is far bigger than what Indians expect before they arrive. For example, our food habits, topics of conversation, ways of recreation were all quite different. But these were all considered the usual hurdles for a first generation immigrant and therefore never questioned.

Time always seems to fly for everyone, but when living a fast-paced American lifestyle this cliché couldn't be truer. With work, home, spouse and kids with no relatives or domestic help, you tend to live Friday to Friday. And before I knew it, I had already lived in America for over a decade. Like all the Indians I knew, except for very few exceptions, I went on to get a green card - a signal that I have finally 'settled down'. Again, this remained largely unquestioned, unchallenged. When asked on rare occasions, I parroted the usual reasons: poor career prospects and living standards in India. Returning was left more as a vague option - to soothe parents and elders in the family - that would be considered if somehow things changed dramatically. No dilemmas.

But like several others, I nurtured a hidden - almost secret - desire to be able to return one day. This was kept close to my heart but whenever I disclosed this to others I ended up getting really confused. What is the rationale behind this, some would ask. Is it to renew family ties or bring up children in an Indian culture? Is it some vague longing for a past that was left long behind? Or worse, is it some far fetched ambition to serve your country and make a positive change? The very idea was often ridiculed. Horror stories of people suffering after moving back were told as proof of this fallacy. Then there were others who were more ambivalent. Their hearts longed to return but they hadn't figured out how. Some of them planned to work for a few more years and then decide - maybe after completing a new degree; maybe after saving a few more dollars; maybe after having kids. It was popularly known as the'X+1 syndrome'. It was so confusing that I would keep debating with myself but rarely bring it up with others.

And yet, the desire to return seemed to grow stronger everyday. It seemed to grow in some irrational corner of my mind which I knew could never be touched by reason. The only way to deal with it, I thought, is to experience it. So one day, I decided to talk to my boss about the possibility of moving to India and setting up a local branch of the US-based company I worked for. He ignored it initially thinking that it was a passing phase. But when I persisted, he listened. I began to plan a business trip to India to assess the best location, the potential risks and rewards and cost of setting up an operation in India. This was December 2001. By April the next year I had already submitted a business plan to my CEO and got it approved. I had to move back to India by June 2002 on a 2-year assignment. We had less than 6 weeks to pack and leave!

Those 6 weeks were one of the most interesting moments in my life. Having endured the 'X+1' syndrome for years, I felt almost shocked to have to move back so suddenly. On one hand I felt like sitting back and contemplating on the huge change that was about to happen. And on the other, I had almost an endless list of things to do - closing accounts, selling cars and furniture, making travel arrangements, getting kids vaccinated and completing all remaining projects at work. And last but not the least, attending farewell parties. There were so many people who came to visit us during these few weeks, it was unbelievable. There were a wide range of reactions - from sadness that we were leaving to rejoicing in the fact that we were returning to India. Many of them mentioned that I was really lucky and given a similar opportunity they would do the same.

But without exception they all asked the big question, WHY. Is it because of family reasons? Or, is it because of the bad job situation in the States? Or, is it because of September 11? It was as if the catastrophic terrorist attacks could be used to justify almost anything. Now, I was in a big dilemma. What if I said I had no hard reasons? What if I said that I was returning to a place where I felt I belonged? What if I said that I was following my heart - for a change? Would that be too vague, I thought. Finally, I decided to dodge the question. I told them it was a unique career opportunity with an option to come back in case things did not work out well. They all nodded. It was the most rational reason I could come up with. It was best to avoid any debates at this stage, I thought. Besides, I knew no hard reasons existed. May be I'll figure it out one day after settling down in India.

Avijit Goswami in Pune

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Article#2
Bangalore, July 2005
http://www.nriol.com/content/articles/article88.asp


Let me start this article with a disclaimer. If you're blissfully happy with your life as an NRI, don't continue reading - you will not only be wasting your time, you will become angry and ask everyone to quit complaining about life abroad.
As someone who returned to India after 11 years in the West, I'm often asked this question: "How did you decide to take the plunge?"

We all know how difficult this question is - many of us live with the thought of returning home every single day. Nonetheless, when it comes to actually doing it, the anxiety truly hits us. It was worse for me because I was one of those who went abroad for higher studies and had never worked in India. So the fear of giving it all up and diving into the deep unknown was quite terrifying.

So coming back to the question - how did I decide? In the end, it was quite easy. As NRIs, one thing we learn very quickly is that abroad, life is not all rosy. There are problems there too - it's not like we're given large pots of gold and a multi-million dollar bank balance the instant we land on foreign shores. We've got to work very hard and it's not only that - we've got to adjust to foreign cultures and so on.

Initially of course, it's all new to us and we're learning new things at a terrific pace. That keeps us happy for a while. It was true for me - I loved meeting people from different countries, I loved making new friends, I loved learning how to think in new ways, I loved the fact that my horizons broadened, I loved that I looked at India in a different way, I loved driving on the great roads and so on.

Then, the learning levels off, and life begins to get mundane. We begin to live with traffic problems (not just admire the great roads), housing problems (not just admire the neat houses), too-much-housework problems (not just admire the great equipment), health-insurance problems (not just admire the great medical technology), mowing-the-lawn every weekend problems (not just admire the wonderful trim lawns) and finally, just-too-mechanical-living problems. And on top of this, there are the bigger issues: do I still want to be here when I'm 60? Will I end up totally alone in my old age? Will I recognize my kids and their culture? And so on.

India of course, has its own set of problems. I don't need to go into them in detail, because you know what those problems are - bad roads, intermittent power supply, corruption and so on. But let me talk about one problem in particular that we don't like talking about: having to deal with close and extended family all over again, and a past that we gladly left behind and don't want to return to. Yes, these are real issues. This is one thing that stops some of us from returning. And yet….there's an emptiness in our soul that we can't seem to get rid of.

So what's our response to these issues? Typically, we get stuck with analysis paralysis. We can't really decide to go back home, and we aren't fully happy in our host nation. And then what happens is this: we succumb to the mundane-ness of everyday living, because it's easier to deal with having to get your clothes washed right now, rather than pondering big moves to a strange country. We get caught up in the trap of immersing ourselves in the busy-ness of daily life, excusing ourselves with the thought, "After all, I need to go to work tomorrow. I have an important presentation on Tuesday. I'll worry about returning to India next weekend." And before we know it, years pass and it gets more and more difficult to think about returning.

So how did I do it? After years of being frozen with indecision, I realized one day I had two very simple choices: Either I live with the problems abroad, or I live with the problems in India. Both options have problems. None is idyllic. Once I recognized that heaven wasn't to be found in the West, it became easier to contemplate living a heaven-less but more fulfilling life in India. After that, things moved swiftly, and now here I am, back in India with no thought of returning.

Part of the problem that I've noticed with us NRIs is that although we complain incessantly about life abroad, we completely set aside those problems when making a comparison with India. We don't compare apples with apples. We talk about how bad the roads are in India vs say, the US, and ignore the alienation we feel. No wonder it becomes difficult to decide. We see the madness of India, but despite our restlessness, we don't see the madness of our life in the US. And even if we do see both sets of problems, we compare not the problems, but the conveniences of daily life. And as we know, conveniences, though convenient, aren't a sure ticket to happiness.

So to anyone who's going through this agony, I can only offer you this advice: both options have problems. Decide this: which set of problems would you rather live with? And once you make your decision, make your peace with whichever set of problems you choose.

Chetan Dhruve in Bangalore

Very well said my friends.

I was also kind of well settled in one of the Govt. oil companies and was hand picked to lead the company looking forward to the start of a great career. And all of a sudden decided to leave the company and country for good. I really do not know what brought me here in Canada - may be it was adventur or may be the charm of lookin at new places but I did come with family. And God also gave me a lot of help as I did not have to any of the ugly faces of employment here and started with Bell. Although it was a different field but slowly I progressed and reached the levels of management. And then I decided to get into business of real estate. I am currently in the study part of it.

And every day I keep on thinking of going back. Then I will counsel myself of the central air conditioned house here, roads with not much of rush and 5 days week which I never got in India. As my wife is also working so we save a reasonable amount of money with all the splurges we do. But then I start thinking of my extended family in India and this all seems to be a waste. Surprisingly the family in India do not want us to come back as it is more of a prestige issue for them. So we decided to wait for our passport and then go back. May be at that stage becoming eligible for CPP will be next bait. But may be ultimately after 14 yrs of Banwas like Lord Rama I may be able to go back and take care of my parents in their old age. Atleast that is the plan for now and let us see what happens.

But one thing life is a mix of pleasure and sorrow. And India vs World are two different models. Depends on your destiny and choice both are good or bad. Good luck to all those who could return back and best regards.

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Ash

Both the articles have given much food for thought. Just for curiosity. Like NRI, are there problems unique in themselves for Non Resident European, South American or other Asian. Most other countries, people do not wish to stir out of their province let alone their country. In our CD, the article “The Dark Side of Dubai” really makes a sad reading.
On the one hand our Finance Minister would want more Indians do go out, earn in dollars and send it back home. If anything happens to them, it is External Affairs Ministry’s problem, not his. At the micro level, our own family members might be interested in the goodies the NRIs bring in their luggage along with the money sent every month which is mandatory. After their 30 days leave and back to their actual “home” the remaining 330 days, they battle it out. That way, they are equivalent to our soldiers guarding the Pak or China border. Can we call them soldiers fighting our war on poverty? But do they really win? It may be impossible to say “enough is enough”, bring back all our NRI brothers and sisters, live within our means with whatever we have, use their resources for our country's progress. Atleast we can put a check on the mad rush to go abroad, for two reasons.(1) It really makes us miserable if we are not around to give a glass of water to our parents, when they would need it most. In our society, the commitment parents have for their children is different. (2) Everyone wants Team India to win. But no one wants to be part of the team during its days of struggle. Is it not wrong?

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