Hi,

My child was sent back to India almost 3 years back and now i'm planning to bring her back..she's now 4 years old.

I, Father of the child, will be going alone..since my wife couldn't get off from her work...

My concerns are..
1. Will the father be allowed to take the child back to Canada without the mother (ie, my wife) being present..?? ie, will I be questioned/held anywhere during travel/transit.. (her last name and my last name are different, as is usual..she was born in India before our immigration)

2. What documents should I need, other than her passport and PR card during travel??

3. Will I need a notorized authorization from my wife??

4. And lastly, If we are unable to bring back the child now (ie, before August) and she's absent from Canada for more than three years continuously, what type of difficulties will i face to bring back the child...will her PR card expire??

Thanks a lot

My concerns are..
1. Will the father be allowed to take the child back to Canada without the mother (ie, my wife) being present..?? ie, will I be questioned/held anywhere during travel/transit.. (her last name and my last name are different, as is usual..she was born in India before our immigration)

-- Should not be any problem, May be they may require an explanation which you can give for the reason that the child was in India

2. What documents should I need, other than her passport and PR card during travel??

-- No other Immgration document

3. Will I need a notorized authorization from my wife??

-- Would be a great asset if asked for.

4. And lastly, If we are unable to bring back the child now (ie, before August) and she's absent from Canada for more than three years continuously, what type of difficulties will i face to bring back the child...will her PR card expire??

-- Everything will be fine !!

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We will find a way or we will make one

Oh...Thanks a lot...I'm so much relieved now...I was given a lot of false info by my freinds/relatives/knowledgeable people...

One relative..here in canada for almost thirty years called my parents back in India and warned that I will not be allowed to board the plane with my child, as she is girl and will have to go to a ladies toilet (as per the rules!!!!!) and since I was a male, will not be allowed to accompany her, if she wants to go to the toilet...

And really, my parents were really worried over this.......

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One more thing....since the child was away for a long time, she doesnt have that real attachment towards us (Parents) eventho she knows i'm dad..my wife is her mom...HOW WILL I MANAGE HER DURING THE TRIP FOR TWO DAYS..If she gets groggy/freightened/starts crying...says want to go back or wanna see her grand parents????

Pls any tips would be really helpfull...

Warrior,

I'm not sure how long you are going to be in India before you bring back your daughter. But suppose you are going for 2 week trip then I'll suggest you spend the whole 2 weeks with her. The child doesn't know you well. You have to make her feel comfortable, explain her how happy Mumma (your wife) will feel seeing her, how nice/beautiful is Canada. Reasons why you couldn't take her earlier (trust me even if she's four...she'll understand everything you'll say). We underestimate our kid’s knowledge. As a mom I’ve seen if one is open and shares thoughts/worries with kids they show a mature attitude and pick up faster. Sometimes they even help us make a decision.

Take her out on your own for few times before you board the plane. The jest is that she has to be totally comfortable with you in telling you what comes to her mind/ asking questions. Show interest in the things she's interested in...her favorite toys/blankies/pictures...make sure you carry everything. You'll have to start preparing her for the journey for the very first day, so plane/Canada, Mumma should be constant part of your talks. Make her talk to her mom on phone few times and let your wife say the same things what you are telling her.

Go get your daughter...all the best for the journey!

Jona

Thanks Jona,

I was eagerly looking for some replies....I know a lot of immigrant families must have gone thru these type of situations...we came here when she was 6 months old and felt so bad bringing her..and have to suffer with us...finally, after so much thoughts, we painfully took the decision to allow her to live with grand parents..at least she'll be happy...while we fight for our survival here in canada.

My wife has never been the same after the child was gone, eventho she was the one who took her back... I think u'll understand as a mother...now we are almost settled..my wife passed all her pharmacy exams..i too finished studies...

I can't say how EXCITED WE ARE now....but at the same time really freigtened too..

We have abolutely ZERO parenting skills now... and we are afraid she might feel hatred towards us when she grows up... may feel like we abandoned her and we lived a carefree/luxurious life here (Even our parents have a hard time understanding the difficulties we have faced here...to top it off now has a debt of $ 40, 000 dollars after our studies) Will she ever understand how we toughed it out here, so that her life will be much more comfortable from now onwards...

You know the life is hard and tough here but that doesnt mean that separate your kids from youself... thats the time when kids really needs you... they want to know who their parents are... They learn from their parents...

Atleast now both of you should take couple of weeks off to go and bring ur daughter home... Your wifes one paycheck is not important than ur daughter life..She has already spent 3 years apart from her parents...


Wake up parents... you know you can make millions in ur life.. but if you lost your kid...then there is no use of those millions....

Warrior,

Please don't be frightened, she's your daughter and nothing can change that. If personal circumstances forced you to be away from her there's nothing much one can do, past is gone. What is there is future...of your daughter and yours. I don't think we need parenting skills to be parents. We need only love for our children. I'll suggest you touch your child, hug her, tell her bedtime stories and sleep with her. Watch her sleep, you'll have to start somewhere and talking-talking will help you.

Though she won't understand the $40K debt part but you can tell her that you and her mom were studying and exams/school didn't give you vacation/time to go anywhere. At four she must be going to a play school...she'll understand. You don't have to throw your talks on her...be patient...try to be friendly first...talk about things she likes...show interest in her...play with her. She's too little and once she'll be home she'll forget everything about the missed time. Don't say she'll hate you....No...don't even think like that. Kids are raw and one can mould them very fast. Give her LOVE...LOVE and she'll be back in no minute to you and your wife. As if she was never away. Once she's close to you...you can say sorry to her for the missed time but with a promise to make the future more loving....better and never to leave her again! Forgive me for being too personal and saying this but if you can afford as soon your daughter is back...plan another child. That will also help immensely.

Jona