Last evening my friend came for dinner. True story comes out after couple of cans of beer. As he says, his wife has very negetive attitude. I dont know the truth as I have not dealt with her closely. He says he is fed up of "putting an act", facade of marriage and happy family. It's an act infront of others, he says and cant do it anymore. He told me that the new lady love was stunned when he expressed his feelings, then slowly came around. In fact I was fascinated by his story of how things happened (no, I am not interested to do these things).
I, to some extent, understand his predicament. I told him that he has a responsiblity for his wife and kid, and at the same time is open to follow his heart, keeping in mind what could happen in future. He will be 46 soon. I dont think it's mid-life crisis, as I dont believe in it.
DIO
I think for the kids sake he should go to counseling. A good counselor will help him get to the real issues better than a cpl of cans of beer. Ideally the couple should go together. They will probably discover how to work out the issues or know why they have to part ways.
The presence of the other woman, who seems to be on the friends wavelength, will not make anything easier. How does he know that his new relationship will be any better than the old one? A counselor may help him find out that too by helping him know what it is that he is looking for in a spouse.
If it was just adults he could probably treat it more casually by taking advise off forums such as these, but since there is a kid involved, he owes it to the kid to seek outside help with a qualified professional.
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Posted on: 14-06-08 12:21:02
Quote:
Originally posted by desi in ottawa
Last evening my friend came for dinner. True story comes out after couple of cans of beer. As he says, his wife has very negetive attitude. I dont know the truth as I have not dealt with her closely. He says he is fed up of "putting an act", facade of marriage and happy family. It's an act infront of others, he says and cant do it anymore. He told me that the new lady love was stunned when he expressed his feelings, then slowly came around. In fact I was fascinated by his story of how things happened (no, I am not interested to do these things).
I, to some extent, understand his predicament. I told him that he has a responsiblity for his wife and kid, and at the same time is open to follow his heart, keeping in mind what could happen in future. He will be 46 soon. I dont think it's mid-life crisis, as I dont believe in it.
DIO
Why do they live across the world from each other? I would hate to live that far frm my spouse. I would become negative too. its totally understandable but I would HOPE my spouse wouldnt leave me or cheat on me because of it.
It very possibly COULD be a mid life crisis. just because you do not believe in it, doesnt mean it doesnt happen right?
Their marriage is strained because of the distance. I think ur advice was off a bit..rather then telling him to "Follow his heart" , I would have told him to work hard to become reuinted with his family and THEN to work hard on his marriage. If he is unhappy with her behavior to talk to her..communicate and see if counselling can help.
All humans are capable of changing and as I said earlier she may be unhappy being so far away from him. Marriage is really hard work sometimes. Factors can make it even harder.
I dont agree with trying "just for the sake fo the children". I have seen marriages that have damaged children because of this.
Tell your friend to work on getting his wife h ere..or alternately going there. Being with his life partner should be his priority !!
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~ Morning rain
I have been thinking abt him all day. Last evening he asked me if there was any upper age limit for falling in love with some other woman than the wife. At that time I laughed it off thinking that it was a joke. He also mentioned that "its common in western society to leave the wife and go for other woman. After all these people are human beings like u and me". Well, no answr for this from me.
He is religious, a bit spiritual, non materialistic and will do anything for friends. Good guy. No one is perfect. He cried a bit last night while telling his side of the story. I feel bad abt what happened to him. But there is always two sides to a story and most of the time we get to hear one side, whether it's right or not.
I am sitting on the fence. I want to buy some time to give my opinion to him, if needed.
DIO
Honestly do you think he will pay heed to your advice.
He will definetly be doing what comes to his mind .
You care about your friend , which is good but only give him advice when he / she asks for it .
We indians with the way that we are bought up are always caring.But I believe , eventually you have to learn the canadian way, help if some one asks for it and follows your advice , otherwise goodbye and goodluck.
SB_9999, I agree with you on this. what he got to do, he will definitely do that only. he has to be on one side, can't cheat both .
Everybody is talking about Poor wife and kid. I have a story of one of my friend to share with you. Nice, professional, beautiful, spiritual girl. Guy proposed him, she said no, knowing the fact that guy is married and has kid. Became friends, were going out and she says, when she fell in love with him, couldn’t realize. Went to temple, in front of god both promised, we’ll be honest to each other blaah blaah. This other woman got pregnant with this guy and got a kid. I tried to tell my friend lots of time, don’t trust him blindly. Her answer was, if you don’t trust means you don’t love. The guy started remaining busy with his family taking vacation, taking them out as you all said responsibility to family and kid. My question to you: what about other kid, woman? Was he supposed to do that? If did, why can’t he take the responsibility of this woman and kid? Earlier I was thinking the same as you all must be thinking, it’s another woman’s fault, why did she go into this kind of relationship? But last few days, I am thinking, is it only the woman, who was at fault, not man? Circumstances? She cries like a kid about all this, she is all by herself, what she is going to tell the baby about the father? This guy doesn’t meet this woman and makes excuses of busy ness etc. She says earlier he was just after her all the time; they were calling and meeting with each other no. of times in a day, now its months.
DIO has to see how far his friend has gone with this other woman.
My friend called me in the office this afternoon and told that he want me to meet his lady friend. I told him that I will think abt it. He sounded not too happy. I dont want to get into this as I am afraid that I may have to be a conduit in case there is a spat between the two.
I am seriously thinking that I need to tell him to work it out by himself on this one. For other things, I am always here for him.
DIO
