Men only party-what's wrong with the wives
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I agree that everybody needs space. I know few friends when we invite them, so many times it happened taht Husband can not RSVP till the last moment just because he didn't get wife's approval to attend(even as a family no drinks). When I talk to his wife, i feel some kind of Insecurity, Jealousy, Dominating... I feel very sad and have seen if people who get so many restrictions go other way to fullfil their desire. So let the bird fly and if its your, will come back to you with love.
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Saloni
A very touchy topic and which happens very often in our home...my husband meets his friends every Friday.....yes every friday for dinner and booze.....so what we ladies do......hire a baby sitter for kids and also go out...sometimes we are in the opposite restaurant or theatre. But I must say we the ladies don't do this every friday....but the men do!!!
Now a days men are very understanding and play a equal role in raising kids and assiting in home chores, give space to their wives and expect the same.
My husband is going to Barbados for 20-20 world cup...from 5-9 May.....with his friends.....and after that me and my mother in law leave for NY (vacation for 3 days)!!!! (leaving kids with him.) I've travelled a lot for work, leaving kids with him and MIL and he has done the same....so eventually it just comes to balancing and the mind set up of a couple!
KumarM....sorry...the incident happened but I don't want to be judging the lady in question too because you never know the real truth....or even if we do....don't want to be interferring in their personal life. Next time you invite my hubby and his friends....we won't have any problems!!
Jona
Quote:
Originally posted by manserwadekar
As long as you guys are modern and liberal enough to let your wives do what you guys want to do when your wives are not around, I don't see any problem
Why US, I did let my wife go on Ladies trip for 2 days and had kept kids with me. Some of her college friends decided to meet in NY and ladies came from India, US and Canada. My 2 yr old daughter and 6 year old son had fun for 2 days, but wife kept calling every hour or 2.
So I guess we can blame it on genes.
Hey that's very nice and I'm sure your wife must be a lucky girl!
Jona
Posts: 1920
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 01-03-10 11:17:49
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 01-03-10 11:17:49
I know of a few wives that call up their husbands every hour/15 minutes etc when they are not together and always tell them what to do. I echo other posters that this is insecurity. I dont do it to my husband and both of us go out with our own friends on a regular basis. However that is just something called trust.
Some people subconsciously start to see their spouses as their 'property' (as well as their children). I think its sad what the OP experienced with his friends. The man who couldnt stand up to his wife and tell her to back off. Its NOT love, because in my mind love is trust.
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~ Morning rain
Quote:
Originally posted by KumarM
Couple of weeks back I had invited couple of my desi friends for a weekend party. Men only, with beer, pizza and fries. Nothing else. Things were good for the first half hour. Then the calls started coming to two of them from their wives and children to see if the party was done. I think the wives were using the kids to call the dads. I was really annoyed. At one time I grabbed the cell from one of them who got the call the nth time and told his wife if she was jealous and insecure, she was welcome to join us for beer and pizza. One of the other wives was giving the grocery list, that would be got next day. The calls were getting so frequent, that two of them had to leave in about two hours. Next day the lady to whom I had given piece of my mind called and started giving a lecture regarding how people need to attend parties as a family. Well, I asked her if they were going to do the same in a party what her husband was doing at my place. I asked her point blank what was her problem if he partied with other men he knows. She avoided my qn and started talking something else. By that itme I was fed up and told her to tie a leash around the guy's neck and take him wherever she goes and then hung up. I dont think I will invite him again for the next get together.
I dont understand this with the desis folks. What is wrong with couple of men getting together and have a good time. Just beer, pizza and talk what they want. May be rant, complain and take stuff off their chest. Why the wives have to be jealous and insecure. Are they thinking that the husbdands will spill out the truth? Those skeletons in the closet. Even if they go as a family, they would be doing the same. Men on one side, women on the other side of the house (there may net be beer and pizza and talk what they want).
Like to get views mainly from the married, specifically women.
KM
KM,
Glad that you do host guys' nights out and like many posters have said, just coz 2 people are married, have kids doens't mean they have to do everything together. I and my hubby do this too with our friends and there's never an issue. I think this is healthy as everyone does need a break from the routine and both my hubby and I like this break.
I also agree that the concept of get togethers where men sit in one room and women in the other is LAME and i think it doesn't happen as much with our generation as it used to (I'm talking about early to mid 30's generation by the way). I used to gripe about this too and then realised that the main reason for this is that not all men and women are comfortable talking about anything and everything in front of thier spouses and since they don't get a chance to have a gals or guys night out, they make the most of family get togethers. I'll take it further to add that it irks me even more when the guys automatically expect the mothers to take care of the kids. My hubby and I, like most of our friends do share the responsibility equally in social gatherings.
You have assumed that ALL indian women are against this concept of guys or gals night out. That's not the case. Today more and more women and men are busy with life and do like to take such breaks so please don't generalize. This is coming to you from an Indian married woman and mother
When the wife of ur friend called, Did your friend's demeanour indicate that he was bugged by the wife's calls? Did he complain about it? Did he apologize to you for the interruptions? Based on your post above, the only person who was annoyed by these calls was YOU!!! The issue I see with your post is that you assumed that these wives were calling to check up on thier husbands and that the husbands didn't like it. It could be genuine that the kid was saying mummy i want to talk to daddy (i know my son keeps picking up the fone and saying hello daddy when daddy is not home). It could also be that the wife was checking in to see how hubby is doing, is he having fun etc etc or perhaps part of her did feel insecure and she called to check in on him, SO WHAT? Point is that's between the dude and his wife and your giving the lady a piece of ur mind was uncalled for. You could have given the hubby a hard time joking with him to say why is ur wife calling up or what ever but who gave u the right to speak to her about it? What if this guy didn't mind his wife calling him or what if it was a preplanned approach to get him out of ur house quickly coz he doesn't enjoy your company (not saying that he doesn't but hypothetically speaking) and didn't want to say NO to you either? It could be any reason that this happened. If you did have the desire to talk to the wife, you could have been more pleasant and didn't have to blatantly state your thoughts. You insulted your friend and his wife by asking her to tie a leash around his neck. I think it's safe to assume that you have lost a friend and frankly if I was one of the other guys in the room i'd also think twice about coming to your place after such behavior! You should know who you can and cannot invite to such get togethers and not assume that everyone has a leash around their necks unless they specifically state so! I'm sure based on interaction with your friends you'd know who is open to such get togethers and who is not and instead of making it a bad night for all, pick and choose the right friends and u'll have success!!!!
Finally, to all those posters writing that they "LET" their wives go out... I mean COME ON REALLY? You "LET" them do it? wow, they must feel so obliged that you give them PERMISSION by LETTING them go out !!!! To use such language shows where you place her in LIFE and I think that's just wrong!!!!!
Happy Partying
Good post! Really.
Quote:
Originally posted by guptamik
Quote:
Originally posted by KumarM
Couple of weeks back I had invited couple of my desi friends for a weekend party. Men only, with beer, pizza and fries. Nothing else. Things were good for the first half hour. Then the calls started coming to two of them from their wives and children to see if the party was done. I think the wives were using the kids to call the dads. I was really annoyed. At one time I grabbed the cell from one of them who got the call the nth time and told his wife if she was jealous and insecure, she was welcome to join us for beer and pizza. One of the other wives was giving the grocery list, that would be got next day. The calls were getting so frequent, that two of them had to leave in about two hours. Next day the lady to whom I had given piece of my mind called and started giving a lecture regarding how people need to attend parties as a family. Well, I asked her if they were going to do the same in a party what her husband was doing at my place. I asked her point blank what was her problem if he partied with other men he knows. She avoided my qn and started talking something else. By that itme I was fed up and told her to tie a leash around the guy's neck and take him wherever she goes and then hung up. I dont think I will invite him again for the next get together.
I dont understand this with the desis folks. What is wrong with couple of men getting together and have a good time. Just beer, pizza and talk what they want. May be rant, complain and take stuff off their chest. Why the wives have to be jealous and insecure. Are they thinking that the husbdands will spill out the truth? Those skeletons in the closet. Even if they go as a family, they would be doing the same. Men on one side, women on the other side of the house (there may net be beer and pizza and talk what they want).
Like to get views mainly from the married, specifically women.
KM
KM,
Glad that you do host guys' nights out and like many posters have said, just coz 2 people are married, have kids doens't mean they have to do everything together. I and my hubby do this too with our friends and there's never an issue. I think this is healthy as everyone does need a break from the routine and both my hubby and I like this break.
I also agree that the concept of get togethers where men sit in one room and women in the other is LAME and i think it doesn't happen as much with our generation as it used to (I'm talking about early to mid 30's generation by the way). I used to gripe about this too and then realised that the main reason for this is that not all men and women are comfortable talking about anything and everything in front of thier spouses and since they don't get a chance to have a gals or guys night out, they make the most of family get togethers. I'll take it further to add that it irks me even more when the guys automatically expect the mothers to take care of the kids. My hubby and I, like most of our friends do share the responsibility equally in social gatherings.
You have assumed that ALL indian women are against this concept of guys or gals night out. That's not the case. Today more and more women and men are busy with life and do like to take such breaks so please don't generalize. This is coming to you from an Indian married woman and mother
When the wife of ur friend called, Did your friend's demeanour indicate that he was bugged by the wife's calls? Did he complain about it? Did he apologize to you for the interruptions? Based on your post above, the only person who was annoyed by these calls was YOU!!! The issue I see with your post is that you assumed that these wives were calling to check up on thier husbands and that the husbands didn't like it. It could be genuine that the kid was saying mummy i want to talk to daddy (i know my son keeps picking up the fone and saying hello daddy when daddy is not home). It could also be that the wife was checking in to see how hubby is doing, is he having fun etc etc or perhaps part of her did feel insecure and she called to check in on him, SO WHAT? Point is that's between the dude and his wife and your giving the lady a piece of ur mind was uncalled for. You could have given the hubby a hard time joking with him to say why is ur wife calling up or what ever but who gave u the right to speak to her about it? What if this guy didn't mind his wife calling him or what if it was a preplanned approach to get him out of ur house quickly coz he doesn't enjoy your company (not saying that he doesn't but hypothetically speaking) and didn't want to say NO to you either? It could be any reason that this happened. If you did have the desire to talk to the wife, you could have been more pleasant and didn't have to blatantly state your thoughts. You insulted your friend and his wife by asking her to tie a leash around his neck. I think it's safe to assume that you have lost a friend and frankly if I was one of the other guys in the room i'd also think twice about coming to your place after such behavior! You should know who you can and cannot invite to such get togethers and not assume that everyone has a leash around their necks unless they specifically state so! I'm sure based on interaction with your friends you'd know who is open to such get togethers and who is not and instead of making it a bad night for all, pick and choose the right friends and u'll have success!!!!
Finally, to all those posters writing that they "LET" their wives go out... I mean COME ON REALLY? You "LET" them do it? wow, they must feel so obliged that you give them PERMISSION by LETTING them go out !!!! To use such language shows where you place her in LIFE and I think that's just wrong!!!!!
Happy Partying
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Chandresh
Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!
I need a group of buddies who would invite me over :P. I only do things with the wifey now 
