After Kavya Shivashankar won the Spelling Bee and was featured on all the talk shows, more American Desi jokes are emerging out of the woods.

By the way why don't we hear similar scholastic achievements from Canadian Desis, the only thing we hear about Canadian Student Desi's is either they are victims of gun, gang, drug violence or they were in some form of school related violence or skrimish outside a Disco/Pub.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the first day of school and a new Indian student named
> Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth
> grade at Grapevine Middle School in Grapevine, Texas.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> The teacher said, \"Let's begin by reviewing some
> American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty ,
> or give me Death'?\" She saw a sea of blank
> faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand
> up: \"Patrick Henry, 1775,\" he said.
> \"Very good! Who said 'Government of the
> People, by the People, for the People, shall not
> perish from the Earth'?\" Again, no response except
> from Chandrasekhar. \"Abraham Lincoln, 1863,\"
> said Chandrasekhar.
>
>
>
>
>
> The teacher snapped at the class, \"Class, you should
> be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country,
> knows more about its history than you do.\" She
> heard a loud whisper: \"F**k the Indians.\"
> \"Who said that?\" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put
> his hand up. \"General Custer, 1862.\"
> At that point, a student in the back said,
> \"I'm gonna puke.\" The teacher glared around
> and asked, \"All right! Now, who said
> that?\" Again, Chandrasekhar said,
> \"George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
> 1991.\"
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Now furious, another student yelled, \"Oh yeah? Suck this!\" >
> Chandrasekhar jumped out of his chair waving his hand
> and shouted to the teacher, \"Bill Clinton, to
> Monica Lewinsky, 1997!\" Now with almost mob hysteria
> someone said, \"You little shit. If you say anything
> else, I'll kill you.\" Chandrasekhar frantically yelled at the top of
> his voice, \"Michael Jackson, to the child
> witnesses testifying against him, 2004.\"
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the
> teacher slumped on the floor, someone said, \"Oh
> shit, we're screwed!\" And Chandrasekhar said
> quietly, \"I think it was the American taxpayers,
> during the 2009 bailouts.\"
>

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sunny Leone a true Canadian DESI now back in India !.

http://www.expressbuzz.com/edition/story.aspx?Title=With+apologies+to+Jay+Leno&artid=PiWgwr8HeZY=&SectionID=d16Fdk4iJhE=&MainSectionID=HuSUEmcGnyc=&SectionName=aVlZZy44Xq0bJKAA84nwcg==&SEO=

Well written Desi humour.

WITH APOLOGIES TO JAY LENO:

V SudarshanFirst Published : 05 Jun 2009 12:39:00 AM ISTLast Updated : 05 Jun 2009 01:31:59 AM ISTOne television programme I watched almost regularly was ‘Late Night With Jay Leno’. That phase ended early this week when Jay moved on. Whenever it came to astute observations and comments on topical developments, Jay was worth watching more than the news programmes with the talking heads. He made serious sense and his spoken editorials were seldom off the mark. He kept it light and sharp. He has been replaced by Conan O’ Brien. I watched Conan on Tuesday night but somehow he left me cold. It’s not that I don’t like Conan. Years ago he went around one of his guests on his knees, barking like a dog, suited and booted, his tongue hanging out. The guest was Rebecca Romijn whose picture is not suitable for general viewing even when she is fully clothed. I would have done the same and maybe some more. Though edgy, Conan just doesn’t strike me as being edit page material. The last couple of days I’ve been wondering: What if Jay Leno were to air his programme from New Delhi, with the Qutab Minar as the backdrop and the headlines that have dominated the news recently were to form the staple of the show? So here is a (very) lighthearted and airy segment you’ll never find in Youtube:


Jay Leno (adjusting his tie): The economy is bad. The economy is bad. The economy is so bad that voters in Tamil Nadu settled for 500 bucks each to keep DMK in the Lok Sabha for another five years. It works out to 27 paise a day. And it’s not even dollars. That’s how bad it is.

(laughter/applause)

Jay Leno: The economy is bad. It is so bad that illegal Bangladeshi migrants are scrambling and falling over one another to head back to Bangladesh because they see better prospects there while the money is still coming over from Saudi Arabia.

Kevin Eubanks (laughing): How do you spell that Jay — Bangladesh?

Jay Leno: T-R-O-U-B-L-E. What did you think?

(laughter/applause)

Jay Leno: Here’s the funny thing. India is getting younger while ministers are getting older. I can see that even though the majority of Indians are under 30 nobody ran on the campaign — No Country for Old Men. (Laughter) Bill Clinton retired after two terms as president by the time he was 56. By the time Indian politicians are 56 that’s when they get out of their diapers and some of them have even learnt to take their thumbs out of their mouths while talking. (laughter)

Jay Leno: Natwar Singh became foreign minister when he was 74. I heard that Pranab Mukherjee their last foreign minister who is 74-years-old didn’t want to continue because he was finding it too strenuous to travel so much so they bring in S M Krishna who is 77.

(laughter)

Kevin: Maybe he is in better shape.

Jay Leno: Maybe. He sure doesn’t look like a walking question mark. But I believe Krishna’s enunciation of English is a whole lot better, him being a Fulbright scholar and all. At last they will understand the Indian foreign minister in English speaking countries, maybe not so much in Bangladesh (laughter) but you know, in the rest of the English speaking world. (Jay says the word ‘English’ slowly, with a lot of emphasis). That ought to clear up a lot of confusion that existed in Indian foreign policy. But if they go on at this rate when M K Stalin finally becomes chief minister of Tamil Nadu and if there is still an alliance between the DMK and the Congress Karunanidhi as ex-chief minister who is only 86 now has a damn good shot at getting the foreign minister’s job. The best part is nobody else in his family will want to touch it because it is not one of those infrastructure ministries.

(laughter/flourish of drums)

Jay Leno: Krishna’s hairstyle is a little off, though. Let’s give him a sharper hairstyle and see what works. (A flat-screen comes up and a slide show of different hair styles photoshopped on S M Krishna begins: S M Krishna as Elvis Presley, the Abdul Kalam look, as Issac Hayes, Sai Baba look (the Afro one), Mother Teresa look, Conan O’ Brien look)

(laughter/ flourish of drums and guitar/ applause)

Jay Leno (With his hands in his pockets and his chin out): President Rajapaksa of Sri Lanka is doing such a great job feeding the Tamils in Sri Lanka. Tamil women in government camps are now thin enough to compete for Miss Ethiopia. Vital statistics 17- 17-17. If one of them wins, Rajapaksa will call up prime minister Man-mohan Singh (Jay pronounces the first part of the prime minister’s name as though it were the opposite of ‘woman’) and tell him: “Look Prime Minister Man-mohan, I told you I would go beyond the 13th Amendment, didn’t I? Didn’t I?”(pause) “DIDN’T I?”

(laughter/ flourish of drums and guitars/big applause)

Jay Leno: Governments around the world, especially the US and Mexico, are talking of how Maayawaati contained the political fallout of swine flu: They like the way she quarantined Varun Gandhi!

(tentative applause)

Jay Leno: I am just back from Australia folks and believe me it is a multi-racial country down there, (touching his heart) way down there if you know what I mean. (tentative laughter) It’s just amazing the way they treat people of different origins the same way. They just don’t single out Indians and people of Indian origin to beat up. They beat up anybody who is not a yob — Cambodians, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, everybody. You have to hand it to them. Australia is truly multi-racial. Back home racism is only against black folks. In Australia it’s against all folks. It’s colour-blind. (laughter) Also it’s a dirty lie that Australians are against Indians per se. They are going to give Raj Thackeray honorary citizenship for promoting Australian social etiquette in a big way in Mumbai.

(laughter)

Jay Leno: Now for some news from Pakistan. President Obama is said to be so unhappy over the release of professor Hafiz Saeed of the Jamat-ud-Dawa that he is sending US special representative Richard Holbrooke over to Islamabad with a $200 billion loan and 10 F-16’s to tide over the crisis. The money will go to improve the security of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons and help prevent them from being taken over by Hafiz Saeed’s followers. (laughter) The F-16s will help Pakistan take the nukes away from the radicals and deliver them quickly and from the air to places such as New Delhi, Trombay and Kalpakkam. (laughter, flourish of drums and guitar)

Jay Leno: We’ll be right back after the break with our first guest Sonia Gandhi — who will tell us how her Hindi is finally better than her Italian….

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sunny Leone a true Canadian DESI now back in India !.

Good one...

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vandematram

http://www.expressbuzz.com/edition/story.aspx?Title=With+apologies+to+Jay+Leno&artid=PiWgwr8HeZY=&SectionID=d16Fdk4iJhE=&MainSectionID=HuSUEmcGnyc=&SectionName=aVlZZy44Xq0bJKAA84nwcg==&SEO=

Well written Desi humour.

WITH APOLOGIES TO JAY LENO:

V SudarshanFirst Published : 05 Jun 2009 12:39:00 AM ISTLast Updated : 05 Jun 2009 01:31:59 AM ISTOne television programme I watched almost regularly was ‘Late Night With Jay Leno’. That phase ended early this week when Jay moved on. Whenever it came to astute observations and comments on topical developments, Jay was worth watching more than the news programmes with the talking heads. He made serious sense and his spoken editorials were seldom off the mark. He kept it light and sharp. He has been replaced by Conan O’ Brien. I watched Conan on Tuesday night but somehow he left me cold. It’s not that I don’t like Conan. Years ago he went around one of his guests on his knees, barking like a dog, suited and booted, his tongue hanging out. The guest was Rebecca Romijn whose picture is not suitable for general viewing even when she is fully clothed. I would have done the same and maybe some more. Though edgy, Conan just doesn’t strike me as being edit page material. The last couple of days I’ve been wondering: What if Jay Leno were to air his programme from New Delhi, with the Qutab Minar as the backdrop and the headlines that have dominated the news recently were to form the staple of the show? So here is a (very) lighthearted and airy segment you’ll never find in Youtube:


Jay Leno (adjusting his tie): The economy is bad. The economy is bad. The economy is so bad that voters in Tamil Nadu settled for 500 bucks each to keep DMK in the Lok Sabha for another five years. It works out to 27 paise a day. And it’s not even dollars. That’s how bad it is.

(laughter/applause)

Jay Leno: The economy is bad. It is so bad that illegal Bangladeshi migrants are scrambling and falling over one another to head back to Bangladesh because they see better prospects there while the money is still coming over from Saudi Arabia.

Kevin Eubanks (laughing): How do you spell that Jay — Bangladesh?

Jay Leno: T-R-O-U-B-L-E. What did you think?

(laughter/applause)

Jay Leno: Here’s the funny thing. India is getting younger while ministers are getting older. I can see that even though the majority of Indians are under 30 nobody ran on the campaign — No Country for Old Men. (Laughter) Bill Clinton retired after two terms as president by the time he was 56. By the time Indian politicians are 56 that’s when they get out of their diapers and some of them have even learnt to take their thumbs out of their mouths while talking. (laughter)

Jay Leno: Natwar Singh became foreign minister when he was 74. I heard that Pranab Mukherjee their last foreign minister who is 74-years-old didn’t want to continue because he was finding it too strenuous to travel so much so they bring in S M Krishna who is 77.

(laughter)

Kevin: Maybe he is in better shape.

Jay Leno: Maybe. He sure doesn’t look like a walking question mark. But I believe Krishna’s enunciation of English is a whole lot better, him being a Fulbright scholar and all. At last they will understand the Indian foreign minister in English speaking countries, maybe not so much in Bangladesh (laughter) but you know, in the rest of the English speaking world. (Jay says the word ‘English’ slowly, with a lot of emphasis). That ought to clear up a lot of confusion that existed in Indian foreign policy. But if they go on at this rate when M K Stalin finally becomes chief minister of Tamil Nadu and if there is still an alliance between the DMK and the Congress Karunanidhi as ex-chief minister who is only 86 now has a damn good shot at getting the foreign minister’s job. The best part is nobody else in his family will want to touch it because it is not one of those infrastructure ministries.

(laughter/flourish of drums)

Jay Leno: Krishna’s hairstyle is a little off, though. Let’s give him a sharper hairstyle and see what works. (A flat-screen comes up and a slide show of different hair styles photoshopped on S M Krishna begins: S M Krishna as Elvis Presley, the Abdul Kalam look, as Issac Hayes, Sai Baba look (the Afro one), Mother Teresa look, Conan O’ Brien look)

(laughter/ flourish of drums and guitar/ applause)

Jay Leno (With his hands in his pockets and his chin out): President Rajapaksa of Sri Lanka is doing such a great job feeding the Tamils in Sri Lanka. Tamil women in government camps are now thin enough to compete for Miss Ethiopia. Vital statistics 17- 17-17. If one of them wins, Rajapaksa will call up prime minister Man-mohan Singh (Jay pronounces the first part of the prime minister’s name as though it were the opposite of ‘woman’) and tell him: “Look Prime Minister Man-mohan, I told you I would go beyond the 13th Amendment, didn’t I? Didn’t I?”(pause) “DIDN’T I?”

(laughter/ flourish of drums and guitars/big applause)

Jay Leno: Governments around the world, especially the US and Mexico, are talking of how Maayawaati contained the political fallout of swine flu: They like the way she quarantined Varun Gandhi!

(tentative applause)

Jay Leno: I am just back from Australia folks and believe me it is a multi-racial country down there, (touching his heart) way down there if you know what I mean. (tentative laughter) It’s just amazing the way they treat people of different origins the same way. They just don’t single out Indians and people of Indian origin to beat up. They beat up anybody who is not a yob — Cambodians, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, everybody. You have to hand it to them. Australia is truly multi-racial. Back home racism is only against black folks. In Australia it’s against all folks. It’s colour-blind. (laughter) Also it’s a dirty lie that Australians are against Indians per se. They are going to give Raj Thackeray honorary citizenship for promoting Australian social etiquette in a big way in Mumbai.

(laughter)

Jay Leno: Now for some news from Pakistan. President Obama is said to be so unhappy over the release of professor Hafiz Saeed of the Jamat-ud-Dawa that he is sending US special representative Richard Holbrooke over to Islamabad with a $200 billion loan and 10 F-16’s to tide over the crisis. The money will go to improve the security of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons and help prevent them from being taken over by Hafiz Saeed’s followers. (laughter) The F-16s will help Pakistan take the nukes away from the radicals and deliver them quickly and from the air to places such as New Delhi, Trombay and Kalpakkam. (laughter, flourish of drums and guitar)

Jay Leno: We’ll be right back after the break with our first guest Sonia Gandhi — who will tell us how her Hindi is finally better than her Italian….

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vandematram

After Kavya Shivashankar won the Spelling Bee and was featured on all the talk shows, more American Desi jokes are emerging out of the woods.

By the way why don't we hear similar scholastic achievements from Canadian Desis, the only thing we hear about Canadian Student Desi's is either they are victims of gun, gang, drug violence or they were in some form of school related violence or skrimish outside a Disco/Pub.

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Iknownothing

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vandematram

After Kavya Shivashankar won the Spelling Bee and was featured on all the talk shows, more American Desi jokes are emerging out of the woods.

By the way why don't we hear similar scholastic achievements from Canadian Desis, the only thing we hear about Canadian Student Desi's is either they are victims of gun, gang, drug violence or they were in some form of school related violence or skrimish outside a Disco/Pub.

---

Very true. There is a lot of difference in behavior, intellect and attitude between kids born in the US and kids born in Canada.

---