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Orginally posted by Smiley


I am sure most of you have parents in india or some other part of the world. Being far away makes me feel that I am doing nothing for them. It gets me down sometimes.

-- Make sure you send them money every year to keep them comfortable
-- Call them once a week
-- Ask them to visit you every year (it is better than u visiting) Good change for them and u

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Typical attitude of some desis who come to the west and want to live as westners - do your basic defined duties towards the parents and let them live their lives themselves.

I used to and presently do quite a few different things:

Make them feel comfortable in accepting the fact that you have left your place for the good of the family.......and not only your own good. Also, try to make them feel that you are leaving your town for another town...and would go to them whenever needed as you would have done if you were in another town in India/home country. Also, convince them that living in a different country, you will be able to afford emergency trips to your parents more comfortably than if you were in another town in the same country (like say that going from Bombay to Patna is less comfortable than going from Dubai, Singapore, Australia, US to Patna.) I know it is not always so (though for me it was actually so when I lived in Singapore since going to Jaipur from Singapore was faster and more affordable for me than to go from Madras to Jaipur!)

That feeling I would term as the most important and should be taken care of first.

As morning rain has rightly mentioned, call them AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE - whenever you remember them and feel like talking to them. Making 10 calls of 2 mintues each is better than making one call of 20 minutes. Send them hand written letters, and photos, especially of your children, if you have any. Grand parents love nothing more than seeing their grand children grow. (Isn't is said 'mool se jyada byaj pyara hota hai') - with the photograhps, they get additional things to talk about, not only amongst themselves, but also with relatives and neighbours.

From money point of view - NEVER let them feel you are sending something every month and so they are dependent on you. Make is sure that money is ALWAYS available to them with NO RESTRICTIONS (after all they are our parents and they taught us how to manage money wisely). This can be done by either putting enough money in an account accessible to them to say go for a year or so atleast, or by having friends who could give them money on the day they need it so that they do not have to WAIT for it.

Try to call them to visit you in your country, and start with shorter visits growing into longer ones. You have to realise that they do not have friends and neighbours in your new country and once you go away to office, they are going to get more bored than they would normally do at their homes 'back home'. Moreover, the daily rituals are different from what they are used to , and so one should give them enough time to get used to it. NEVER force them to stay longer than they are comfortable with - you might do it once but then they will be hesitant to come back again. Let them slowly get used to the new life style in your country. They will NEVER be able to adopt it fully, but if they are allowed to do it at their pace, they will do it willingly and enjoy it.

A few things to be conspicously aware about when they come over to your place to spend some time with you are:

a) spend as much time as possible with them - whether at home or outside.
b) Never let them feel that you have to take extra time off from your work (even if you have to) to be able to take them around. They will ultimately feel that they are being a burden on you.
c) instead to sticking to your own family when they are visiting, try to meet more and more of your friends so not only they get to meet more people, they also feel that you as their children are well settled in life socially.
d) even when you are with your friends, try to speak in a language that they are used to, as if you were in India (or your 'back home') so that they feel more comfortable and able to participate more in conversation.
e) invite more of your regular friends who would treat your parents as their own.
f) tell your friends not to feel shy in asking your parents for some things they love (like 'mummy....aap mere liye til ke laddoo bana sakti hain?'). Your parents will feel they are wanted and respected for their specialities etc.

And yes, try to visit them in your home country as often as possible. Also, in Indian culture, mostly (not always though), it is expected that the bahu (daughter in law) will spend more time with the in-laws rather than her own family - so try to do that. At times the men should send only the wives to home country and make them stay with men's parents for a longer time than her own parents. This is a trait BOTH sets of parents will be proud of because you will be following Indian traditions.

I could go on .........but then it would be boring in the end. The main point is let them feel they are your parents and you will do everything to keep them happy.

Chandresh