Why some Desi parents like this WRT their Children
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Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 14-03-07 21:56:24
Quote:
Originally posted by Mercury
[No Guarantee but that will happen may be after 18 or 20 years . She is suppose to be mature enough. However I still can't agree with that. That's my personal opinion.
I have see enough of this bull**** where kids are very rude with the parents. Economic independence makes it worst. University level they seem to caml down.
Mercury
Just my two cents. I have also seen kids that are rude to their parents in public. The parents dont say anything. Do the kids know this type of back talk is inappropriate? do these parents and kids have good communication? Are there family meetings and talks? Do parents have time for the kids? Is it "Do as I say and not as I do"?
University is a busy time in a person's life. Maturity can be a result/factor but I think its more of the amount of time the young person has. Also if they live away from home it lessens conflict.
Kids will rebel - its natural. However they also want to know that they are accepted and loved by their parents no matter how wierd they may be acting. Teenage is a difficult time with hormone changes etc. They are 'trying out' many things at this age.
No matter what - the lines of communication need to be open at all times between the parents and the kids.
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~ Morning rain
Quote:
Originally posted by morning_rain
Quote:
Originally posted by Mercury
Every coin has 2 sides. She may very well start smoking after being in contact with some "rough elements" for e.g. and justify that is my money and I can do/buy/spend however I want to.
-Mercury
A 16 year ought to be old enough to decide right from wrong - and what consequences are. Someday when this youth has to go out into the world on their own they need to have the self confidence to choose wisely for themselves.
Same with the freedom that comes with being financially independant.
I am sorry but how can a 16 yr old be mature enough to know right from wrong ?? Is this not the most mouldable age ?? Isnt this the age when people choose careers by convention and then later at the age of 23 ~ 24 they make the more 'matured' choice .
I think parents have a great responsibility to guide their children during this phase as the people are just out of their adoloscence .
In India parents tend to be protective and nuture their children till they settle in career at the age of 21 + .... Now does that mean that the kid doesn thave independence till then ?? And even if he / she does nt get that independence , doesnt he appreciate what his parents did for him ........ in later life ...rather then let him / her waste her career building years in some menial dead end job ?
Allow me to quote an unforgettable incident . I was training with a CA at 23 yrs of age. A guy cam elooking in for a job and he was prepared to be a clerk at the age of 16 .... as he had lost his father ..... The CA advised him to go back study , graduate himself and then enter into a high paying profession later . He remarked that his won sons were 22 yrs old and he was still maintaining them . When the guy left , this CA explained to me that he was in the same shoes hinself at that age when he had lost his father decades back ......
Whats more important .......... doing a waiter job @ 17 or studying at that time to get a higher degree if you can afford it ?? .... Students dont have character or they cant develop it later ??
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Fido.
Quote:
Originally posted by Fido
In India parents tend to be protective and nuture their children till they settle in career at the age of 21 + .... Now does that mean that the kid doesn thave independence till then ?? And even if he / she does nt get that independence , doesnt he appreciate what his parents did for him ........ in later life ...rather then let him / her waste her career building years in some menial dead end job ?
There is a fine line between 'Protecting - Nurturing' and 'Spoon Feeding'.
An Engineer who can't even go out and buy a shirt for himself - what do you call that?
Quote:
Originally posted by Fido
Whats more important .......... doing a waiter job @ 17 or studying at that time to get a higher degree if you can afford it ?? .... Students dont have character or they cant develop it later ??
There are so many IFs & Q marks here. Eventually it boils down to Individual.
I did work all years through, helping my father in business ... It has never bothered me in studies. I know, I would not have studied in that time anyways
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Mumbai Maazi Ladki ...
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 15-03-07 13:15:12
Thanks Fido for the mature remark.
This was what i meant as "Desi Logic" and which was rediculed by many in this board. Will any of those people allow their sons/ daughters to work as a waiter/Waitress if their parents had money?
To quote a similar incident, A clever Structural engineer was not able to find a job at the age of 40 after returning from the gulf. Since he has enough money, he went to a big firm in Chennai and offered to volunteer for a job. The boss took him aside and told him that though he did not have a job at that time, that he should continue to look for a job as his volunteer period would be a disrespect to the profession of his which should earn him bread and butter. He got a boost of self confidence and later realised that it was a very wise saying from the boss of that company.
on a personal note, I am a great enemy of Vounter work as i feel that it can exploit a majority of people any where in the world.
TK A
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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
I dont understand what is wrong in working even if one is son/daughter of Bill Gates ...
I think it is a good way for the kids to learn about the real world ...
have respect for the money ...
In india how many kids of the super rich really do some productive work ... if not all of them most of them create problems and they know that their parents will bail them out unscathed ( remember rahul mahajan, grand kids of Beant singh ... CM punjab, Admiral nanda's grand son son and many more ) ...
not that there are no sensible kids of rich parents but it is both ways ...
Also if she does not like waiting tables she will know at young age and move to some other job ... if she likes it who knows she may own chains of hotels in future and probably same people will say " Oh Man she was waiting tables and now she is super rich owner of largest chain of hotels in the world !!! " ...
so my dear it is in the mind " what is right and what is not " ...
what is right for somebody else may not be right for you and vice versa ...
I dont think one should be judgemental , but no harm in analysing the situation ...
moreover it is canada not india and all ( most of them at least ) the kids earn their money by working in their teenage years and nothing wrong with that ...
and at this age if she can eliminate or decide what she really wants to do, nothing can be better than that ...
I think her parents are really smart who are allowing this young girl to decide her future for herself instead of forcing on her what THEY want her to do ( which is what most of the parents in india do ) ...
I know many people in india who studied engg, or medicine or law or something else because his/her father or mother wanted them to be an engg or doctor , and in the end the person is not happy with his/her profession but working as an engineer or doctor because he/she does not know anything else to earn the living ...
what is the use of such a life ...
So all the luck to her ...
For one , I have not seen a lot of waiters ending up become Hotel owners ....
Its the people with a vison and understanding and most likely qualifications like hotel management who would fit the bill... then again you need academics .
For each exceptions like Rahul Mahajan , etc ... there must be at least thousands who have followed their parents vision , succeeded and thanked them later for guiding them correctly when their own vision was limited ...
What are some people proposing here ..... doing waiting , cleaning dead end jobs and whiling your career building years into getting some living wages ... and then ending up doing that for the rest of your lives .........
I am sure there are smarter ones here also who go to college , graduate and then enter high profile careers and beat their above counterparts by millions and job satisfaction both . but for that they have to be consistent and preserve these vital years ......... its a thumb rule .. the more you will study and concentrate in the age of 17 ~ 25 , the more comfortable and less demanding and more paying your rest of your life is going to be ............... Compare a Professional Consultant and a clerk / waiter .... you will get the answer .
Rest other things like being subjective , individual , character building are un related .....
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Fido.
One of the reasons many business people want their kids to work in warehouses, shopfloors and other entry level jobs is to learn the business at that level apart from learning what it means to earn a living at that level. This also means learning how employees at that level think, contribute to the business and stay motivated. Such kids are likely to use the skills and experiences learnt then, to further the business and handle/manage employees more efficiently than they otherwise would have done.
That being said... there are no guarantees. Its at the individual level that one choses to waste time doing engineering, working in a warehouse or waiting tables. There are valuable lessons to be learnt for those who want to learn them.
My wifes last boss(in his mid thirties), who is the nephew of a businessman very much in the news nowadays, started in the company at the warehouse level...at the insistence of his dad. His dad and uncle later on funded his takeover of the company.
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