What about our children?


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desi in ottawa   
Member since: May 04
Posts: 1627
Location:

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-03-05 13:49:36

They will be confused since they will be torn between east and west values (is there any value in the west?). Most of us, parents, try to raise kids based on our culture. But where we live (Canada or USA), the culture is entirely different. I know couple of desi families who migrated 25-30 yrs back, their kids are facing social and cultural issues. Most of them are not married (despite of their 35+ age), hard time marrying a local (parents are opposed to it) and may not be accepted by mainstream desis in India (due to cultural differences). But there will also be the “citizenship” issue where parents of the girls have dangled the citizenship of their daughters to get a SIL, whether that dude sticks around or not is entirely different issue.


DIO



ThinkingOne   
Member since: Mar 05
Posts: 496
Location:

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-03-05 14:10:09

o wow, great question. Thanks Desi.

I also look forward to replies from parents who have experienced such situation(s). And honestly, I find this very important thing while considering my living at Canada. So parents, please speak your hearts out!

Thanks.



jake3d   
Member since: Sep 03
Posts: 2962
Location: Montreal

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-03-05 15:14:24

Disclaimer: Please note that that all the below maybe applicable to *ONLY MY* parenting abilities/inclinations/notions/attitude . There is no intention of bothering, hurting or otherwise belittling anybody elses parenting methods. :D

I personally dont see an issue when it comes to my kids. I tend to separate 'culture' and 'values'especially when it comes to my kids. So my kids are raised up with stories from Indian mythology, exposed to Indian traditional music, art etc. They are also told stories of Indian history, festivals etc. Language is currently the missing piece of the puzzle.

In my opinion, being desi does not automatically mean that one has the best values or even good values. My kids , 'Values' on the other hand, are learnt from my wife and me(for the most part). Hopefully they will add to it to form their own values. Maybe it will be influenced by my roots...maybe not. That part is not important to me. My values are mine and I do not expect my kids to follow all them to the letter...simply because my purpose in having kids was not to clone myself :) or my experiences.

I fully expect them to make their own mistakes but would want nothing more than to let them make their own choices, and learn from them, like my parents let me make mine. I want them to make their own discoveries of what their values aught to be. I love them too much to limit them to the constraints of my own meagre thought process and life experiences...into their adulthood. By then, they have hopefully learnt to live life on their terms(including their choice of life partners)...not mine.

Please...those who did not like what I wrote...read my disclaimer.



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DesiTiger   
Member since: Aug 03
Posts: 1205
Location: Mississauga

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-03-05 15:47:03

Quote:
Orginally posted by jake3d

Language is currently the missing piece of the puzzle.:)




I agree. A lot of times parents try hard to instill their social and cultural values in their kids and fail simply becuase the kids do not understand the language that the culture rides on.

In Hispanic and Italian Immigrant communities, the first thing that the parents make sure of is that their kids understand their native language. Once that is done, the kids are able to see movies, listen to music and read books in their native language and are also able to converse with other Immigrants. This helps them explore and understand their culture a lot better than they would if their parents tried to shove it down their throat, as some of our Indian parents tend to do :D


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jake3d   
Member since: Sep 03
Posts: 2962
Location: Montreal

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-03-05 15:56:35

Quote:
Orginally posted by DesiTiger

In Hispanic and Italian Immigrant communities, the first thing that the parents make sure of is that their kids understand their native language.



It maybe a bit more difficult when parents themselves have different mothertoungues(such as in me and my wifes case). However difficult is not impossible.
Also note thet there is not one INDIAN culture. e.g: Kathakali and kalaripayattu(keralite martial art) is direct part of my culture...but not a direct part of my wifes or a northerners culture. Just as Hindi is a part of my culture but not a part of my grandfathers culture.

But i agree with the gist of your writings...its easier to introduce a culture via the language. Just as long as bollywood is not the only teacher :).


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ThinkingOne   
Member since: Mar 05
Posts: 496
Location:

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-03-05 16:07:17

jake3d,

I am getting tempted to rip apart your post, the way 'The Cynic' does the dissection! But your disclaimer is saving you again and again... my friend... LOL ;) :(

And yes, I liked the idea of saving language to teach cultural heritage.

Take Care.



jake3d   
Member since: Sep 03
Posts: 2962
Location: Montreal

Post ID: #PID Posted on: 29-03-05 16:20:22

Quote:
Orginally posted by ThinkingOne

jake3d,

I am getting tempted to rip apart your post, the way 'The Cynic' does the dissection! But your disclaimer is saving you again and again... my friend... LOL ;) :(




I thought you do notn judge thinking one :)

One thing that I would add to the disclaimer is that my views may be ABSOLUTELY WRONG for someone else to follow :). I can only say that it feels right for me right now :).


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